Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Cousins Can Legally Marry In North Carolina But Not Gays; WTF?

North Carolina passed a constitutional amendment Tuesday defining marriage solely as a union between a man and a woman, becoming the latest state-of-hate to stop the love of two same sex persons that desire to be happy and married. One of the biggest jokes is North Carolina lets cousins get married but not gays; what the hell is in the water, or should I say the Gin?

Since North Carolina feels it’s so great, I thought I would do my best “Jessica Fletcher” and solve the mystery about what one “can do” in North Carolina.

Every year on the third Saturday in June, people supposedly come from across the nation to see the National Hollerin’ Contest. Contestants compete in such contests as the Whistlin’ Contest, the Conch Shell and Fox Horn Blowin’ Contest; sounds pretty gay to me.

Belhaven Memorial Museum will surely blow your sucks down. This museum is the result of Mrs. Eva Blount Way’s penchant for collecting buttons. When she died in 1962 at age 93, Mrs. Way had amassed some 30,000 buttons; so this is a museum full of buttons? This is the place you take your kids; when they’ve been bad.

New York’s got the ball that drops, North Carolina has a “Possum Drop” to celebrate the New Years, and I quote, “A live possum in a festively decorated Plexiglas container is gently lowered to signify the beginning of the New Year. Of course, the event wouldn’t be complete without music, homemade cider and a pageant to elect Miss Possum.” I see now why they don’t want gays getting hitched in North Carolina, with all those “purty” drag queens running around they’d be a shoo-in for Miss Possum.

For good measure I threw in some other wacky laws from North Carolina.

1. The mere possession of a lottery ticket is illegal in North Carolina and may result in a $2,000 fine.

2. Persons in possession of illegal substances must pay taxes on them.

3. it’s against the law to sing off key.

4. Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.

5. While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled.

6. Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.