Friday, January 1, 2016

Which States Have The Biggest And The Smallest Penis?

We here at HTYM are all about educational articles; and when we feel there’s a story that needs growth or more of a lengthy investigation; we’ll pull everything we have to get the facts, and gladly shoot what we find, straight to our dear readers faces, or eyes, or chin, or…

A condom company has poled over 27,000 men (tough job!) and we have come face first into the top 50 states raked by the average penis size; which means my slower cuties; 1, equals biggest. About 25, means average, and by 50, you should look to move somewhere in the top 25.

Where does your state rise, or fall?
1. New Hampshire; Heard about the “Hotel New Hampshire,” think I’ll book a room.
2. Oregon; Oregon is known as the Beaver state; and I bet those beavers are damn happy.
3. New York; home of Nathans hot dog and Anthony Weiner’s wiener.
4. Indiana; The state's name means "Land of the Indians,” should be renamed Hungdiana.
5. Arizona; the largest city here is Phoenix, and now I know why the Phoenix is rising.
6. Hawaii; I guess that’s why the Hawaiian dancers are always moving so fast; must be in pain.
7. Louisiana; when it’s that warm, things grow.
8. Massachusetts; some have Nicknamed this the “Codfish State,” enough said.
9. Alabama; An estimated 20 million tourists annually visit the state; and now we know why.
10. Washington; I knew there we’re big dicks in Washington.
11. New Mexico; the state’s motto is: Crescit eundo (It grows as it goes) holler!
12. California; California (Wet) Dreaming.
13. Arkansas; the capital is Little Rock; I don’t think so.
14. Nevada; Nevada is the only state in the U.S where prostitution is legal; and those Ho’s are sore.
15. Virginia; yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he is hung like a horse.  
16. Tennessee; Tennessee whisky goes down smooth, and so does a big…
17. Illinois; another reason to like Mormons, and to get on your knees.
18. Oklahoma; Nicknamed: Sooner State; sooner than later, big boy.
19. South Dakota; Mount Rushmore is located here; as is something with dead presidents.
20. Georgia; The Georgia peach has been popped, and often.
21. Pennsylvania; the Philadelphia cream cheese isn’t the only thing that’s spreadable here.
22. Mississippi; Mississippi mud pie; after one of those big boys.
23. Michigan; they’re known for their lakes; a few guys might want to jump in them.
24. Florida; so many retire here and walk with canes; now we know why.
25. Rhode Island; hopefully all Rhodes lead to their pants.
26. Kansas; you’re not in Kansas anymore, and neither is Jeff Stryker!
27. Maryland, not so merry.
28. Minnesota; things shrink in the cold; no, really.
29.Vermont; well at least they have their famous cheddar to eat.
30. Connecticut; known for cheap taxes and average penis sizes.
31. Wisconsin; Wisconsin is one of the nation's leading dairy producers; a lot gets milked there.
32. New Jersey; they brag “we’re bigger than the storm,” NOT that big.
33. North Dakota; Nicknamed the Roughrider State; but that’s NOT what she said.

34. Idaho; is home of the potato; but it should have been a gherkin.
35. Texas; everything is big in Texas; except the penises.
36. Missouri; Nicknamed the Show Me State; as in show me you aren’t so small.
37. Montana; They call it Big Sky Country; well at least something’s big there.
38. Ohio; Ohio comes from the Iroquois word ohi-yo’, meaning “great river” or “large creek”, many disagree.
39. Nebraska; Nicknamed the Cornhusker State; now Nicknamed the Baby Corn State.
40. Colorado; those mountains might be huge, but the men; not so much.
41. Maine; mainly small.
42. North Carolina; is where Carolina’s mom told her to find a bigger man.
43. Delaware; I bet Della-was-a-where of the small penis population, and soon moved.
44. South Carolina; is where Carolina’s mom told her to go after having no fun in the North.
45. Kentucky; I wanted a drumstick, but only got giblets.
46. West Virginia; is where Virginia’s mom told her to go after talking to Carolina’s mom.
47. Alaska; luckily no one takes off their clothes here anyway.
48. Iowa; Nicknamed the Hawkeye State; should be Nicknamed the Teeny Weenie state.
49. Utah; the biggest state for Mormons, and small wankers.
50. Wyoming; no wonder why dudes screw sheep here; the sheep can’t complain.