Sunday, April 8, 2012

What I Learned From Watching Judge Judy

“Ma'am, you don't get reimbursed for stupidity! Your case is dismissed!"

Judge Judy is the highest paid woman on TV, and it’s easy to see why, with her brass balls and strongly sprayed hair-do, Judy is in charge when you enter her courtroom and you better not piss her off. Some people find her offensive and mean, I don’t think she is; yes Judy is tough, but the moron’s who frequent her courtroom need a good shaking up; if not a 2x4 across the noggin.

“Are you on any medication madam?”

Unlike most of her guest, Judy uses common sense, which seems to be missing these days with the Kardashian’s being on TV and Rick Santorum getting actual human beings to vote for him.

“Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.”

You could watch Judge Judy for two weeks and be amazed at the frivolous lawsuits being brought into our already, busy courthouses. On the other end you’ll have female barracuda’s with too much make-up and dudes with messed-up teeth taking advantage of people’s kindness.

“Personally, I don't find you as attractive as she did; so I suggest you shut up!”

People can waste money on college and cartoonish seminars from best selling authors; most who didn’t really write the books anyway. I don’t need cough up any cash for this crap when Judge Judy has taught me everything I need to know about life.

1. Don’t loan anyone money, if you expect to get it back.
2. Stupid people get pregnant a lot, with different fathers.
3. Never cosign for anything unless you’re married.
4. Learn to let some things go after a break-up; you want old towels back, seriously?
5. If you go to court, don’t dress like a weekend hooker.
6. Never let a boyfriend move in if he has an ugly haircut.

Judge Judy and Florence Henderson make out; Judy does it all.

“I have 3 sons, so I know you are no gift! You're not even good looking!"