Friday, June 22, 2012

The Truth Hurts, So Does A Wedgie; I’m Giving FREE Advice.

The Doctor is in, and let’s get this over with quick because I have a hangover. Some people need a therapist for logical mental reasons, others need a good kick in the knickers with some tough love; so here it is; your problems solved in minutes, not hours and you didn’t cough up the $150 bucks an hour for a psychologist (who’s probably nuttier than you) or even spend you’re morning on the toilet from all the medication they’d prescribe. You’re welcome, now shut up and learn.

-You Don’t Care What People Think: I think you’re ugly.

-You Hate Your Parents: Grow up and forgive them, or don’t talk to them anymore.

-Cupcakes: These are really round slices of cake; sorry chubs.

-Boot Camp: You’re just paying an angry guy to yell at you; get married and it will be for free.

-Proceco: Is really sparkling white wine, plus $10 dollars.

-You Can’t Get A Man: So stop whining about it; shave your legs; get a new hair color and work it.

-Why Is Everyone Crazy: Because everyone is a little wacko; if you don’t think you are, oh boy you’re in trouble.

-People Are Out To Get You: Sometimes, but that’s life. Watch a few seasons of “Dallas” and learn.

-“Green Lantern,” Movie: Really did suck; No REALLY.

-You’re Obese And Want ONLY A Muscle Guy: Drop the lard or win the Lottery.

-Space Wipes: Are really sponges, and not worth 19.99 + shipping.

-You’re A Drunk And Druggie: Google a picture of Lindsay Lohan 2011; and remember she’s 24-years-old!

-You’re Depressed: Because of you’re missing a leg; arm; eye? Right; feel better, bitch.

-You Have Bad Self Image: No matter how much surgery you get, you’ll feel the same; just prettier.
John Francis Daley plays Dr. Sweets on "Bones," and those lips sure are sweet.