Sunday, June 10, 2012

50 Shades Of Gray-To Black-To-White: Chelsea Handler’s Dating Life.



Some people have said that Chelsea Handler screwed her way to the top after dating Ted Harpert, then president of E network for 5 years; well big surprise everyone; that’s how you get anywhere in Hollywood and most jobs elsewhere. 95% of jobs are given in entertainment by either who you know, or who you blow.

Most people think you can only get on TV or the movies by talent alone, oh please; there are more talented actors slinging hamburger’s, then there are in this year’s movies. To make it big in Hollywood it takes connections, and so what if he helped her? Connections can get you in, but talent makes you stay, as in Handlers case since she’s gone on to write 3 bestselling books and host her own nightly talk show since 2007 (she’s the only female to host a successful late night talk show)


Handler is as known for loving vodka as she is loving the many colors of the rainbow when it comes to the opposite sex. My Aunt JoJo would have said she was a cheap tart (of course Aunt JoJo spent most of her time in Church; her husband? A whore house in Trenton NJ) I think she’s just a gal who likes variety; like a box of Entenmann's donuts; there’s chocolate; frosted; crumb and plain; yum I’ll have all four please.
Dave Salmoni tamed Chelsea for awhile (white) one.
Handler was pretty D list when she busted on the scene with “Chelsea Lately” in 2007, a year later Handler released her second book (Are You There, Vodka? it’s Me Chelsea) which landed her at number 1 on The New York Times bestseller list. 2012 finds Handler so successful (let’s forget “Are You There, Chelsea?” TV show, which was dropped by NBC faster than Magic Johnson from a blood drive) Handler’s late night talk show is still on the air, and she has released two more highly charted books (even getting her own book imprint) and has appeared in films.


Chelsea and Andre Balazs, the Hungarian (tan) one.
Handler’s main drinking buddies use to be midgets and Picasso painting-looking female comediennes, but now thanks to money, she’s best buds with A-list chicks like Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon and Charlize Theron.
Looking through photos of the men Handler has bedded in the last five years; one would not be shocked to find Handler dating a Neanderthal next.
Handler’s famous box-of-donuts-of-men have been:


Chelsea Handler with Ted Herbert, the (gray) one.
(Gray) Ted Herbert: president of E network, now NBC.

(White) Dave Salmoni: animal handler and hot body.

(Black) 50 cent: rapper, actor and business man.

(Tan) Andre Balazs: New York hotel-hotshot-millionaire.

As of this article Handler and Balazs are still playing hide the French cruller-they just jetted off to Rome in April in high style that makes Handler’s former days of eating Ramen noodles for din-din well left forgotten. The danger will be if all this high life will mess up how funny Handler is; her blasé interview style blows me away each time and makes you laugh, especially when the guest are as boring as paste.

Will Handler and Balazs take a walk down the aisle or just a booze filled trip to Cabo Mexico; who knows, with Handler, it will always be fun for her fans to find out what shade of donut she picks next.