Friday, February 14, 2014

Perez Hilton Lost His Flab, But Not His Bad Taste In Clothes

When fat people lose weight; why do they have to dress like hookers?

Gossip queen Perez Hilton unveiled a thinner version of his ugly self on the pink carpet for something called “New Now Next Awards.” The awards show can be seen on Logo TV, the so-called gay channel. For all you Peeps who are too cheap for cable, basically this crap is on channel 155 or something.

Hilton, never one to look good or care about taste, showed up at the awards show looking like he took a spin in a washing machine dryer for 40 minutes before arriving at the awards show. Wearing what looks like a rejected costume from a Marvel super hero movie, Hilton dared to show off and had many behind the scenes people in stitches because Hilton thinks he's all that and a bag of of Sun Chips. Never one to be demure Hilton flashed the world (or really just bored photographers) his deflated mammaries; which looked like two freeze dried cherries. I heard from a source at the awards that Hilton stayed longer than most on the pink carpet, which included such talent as reality scum bags and some sassy, fierce drag queens.

Just  Plain Ugly.
Hilton started off writing his popular blog from a coffee and donut shop, and when his website exploded, so did his waistline and head size. It’s not known what made Hilton thinner; tummy tuck or some fad Hollywood diet, or (as many whisper) diet pills, but if this jerk can do it, everyone can.                                                                 

Hopefully Jenny Craig and other gyms will start giving classes on how to dress when you lose weight. When one has given up gravy for grapefruit it’s easy to forget about bad taste in clothes. Hopefully Hilton takes Old Navy Couture off his shopping list like he did Meatloaf.

In the end I’d rather see a nicely dressed fatty, then a stick-thin, dear-in-the-headlights hooker wearing cheap clothes.