Saturday, February 15, 2014

Who Can You Trust These Days?

Maria couldn't trust Arnold; Arnold shouldn't
have trusted the thong salesmen.
I had a funny situation with my doctor recently (we use to be good friends back in the day) Dr. Cash asked me, “When was the last time you went to the eye doctor.” I explained, “Not in some years.” Having 20/20 vision and no eye problems I didn’t see the reason why he asked me; it’s not like he saw the Devil in my eyes or something. He said he was making an appointment for me with a fabulous eye doctor. I thought it was weird that he was sending me to the eye doctor and stranger yet that he used the word fabulous. Dr. Cash was never the brightest egg in the Easter basket and being a full time doctor had not diminished that.
After a few more minutes, Dr. Cash and I caught up on our lives; he got a phone call. When he put the phone down he said, “That was my friend Bob, he lives next door to me in the Hamptons; he’s the eye doctor I’m sending you to.” I laughed inside; I mean how obvious was this situation? These two tricky-dicky docs send each other patients; no matter if the patient needed treatment or not. On my way home I laughed, thinking of these greedy doctors, sunning their rich, flat, fat asses on the weekend; while I’m in Manhattan enjoying a farmer tan on my front stoop; wondering how hell I can pay my dam medical bills.

My friend Todd was out recently at Therapy bar. He met three stewardesses, two male and one woman. They were laid over in New York for the night and were looking to party; they asked my friend where they could get some cocaine-talk about fly the friendly skies! There are all these stories of drunken flight captains and now I know some of the stewardesses are Coked up. So these are the people that are in charge of my safety when I’m aboard a plane? What kind of flight school do these people go to; O’Malley’s bar?

Chris Noth shouldn't trust Hedda Lettuce; she
could give him listeria, and some other things.

 Every month there seems to be a news story about food that kills you or could kill you. As of today a California farm issued a voluntary lettuce recall over listeria contamination concerns, its notice has gone out to 19 states and Canada; last month listeria in cantaloupe’s put 15 people in the dirt. Before that there was spinach, celery; the list goes on like Michael Caine’s screen credits. It’s like you can’t eat anything, but you have to eat so what the hell do you do?
Buy organic? Yeah well not everyone can afford it.

So if you can’t trust your doctor, the people on board a plane or even fruits and vegetables, who does one trust?

I asked Anthony, who works at Starbucks, he replied, “You can trust your grandma.” I like that; I don’t have one anymore, but I’d like to think if I did, I could trust her. Also after age 80, people are brutally honest and far more trustworthy.

In the end I’d like to believe I can trust people; life would suck if you questioned every damn thing. Of course I will keep in mind the advice my mom use to tell me; don’t go out after 10: pm; never trust a Sailor or a Marine, and eat macaroni and cheese every Saturday night; pretty simple rules to live by.