New Fall TV Shows; “The Ringer.” Should be disconnected, “The Secret Circle,” Puts a spell on you.

   Sarah Michelle Gellar returns to TV after starring on “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” for 7 seasons. Unfortunately she has decided to return to TV in the badly written snore fest titled “The Ringer.” SMG plays sisters, one rich, one poor-all bore. Basically the poor one takes over for the rich when the rich pretends she’s dead. The poor one was a hooker/stripper and is running from the mob but is the “nice and sweet one” (who was her pimp, Mr. Rogers?) also wasted is the great Nestor Carbonell from “Lost” (who has better eyelashes than any Maybelline chick in a commercial) Carbonell isn’t given much to do but look bewildered and stare at papers most of the shows.

Geller is miscast here and it painfully shows; though she plays twins, Geller plays the roles boringly the same with the only difference being outfit changes; lame; you'd think she would sass it up as the sleezy one, but no. Catching up with the show as of 2012 shows they have at least givin Geller a blonder wig to play the slutty, or is that nutty twin?

In the end I have to say who cares about any of it. This show will go down faster than Dina Lohan after the bar is closed; I look forward to the next great thing SMG does; she deserves better. If you’re out of Ambien try watching “The Ringer.”

I have to say I’m never been a fan of TV shows starring a bunch of generic teenagers who all look alike, so I was apprehensive in watching the pilot for “The Secret Circle.” To my surprise “Circle” is fun, interesting and highly watchable, unlike The Ringer; you care about these characters and want to find out what happens next.

Unlike most youth centered shows “Circle” has fresh faces that do more than pout through their scenes. “Cassie Blake’s” mother dies under mysterious circumstances so she returns to her mother’s hometown, and finds out she is a witch with secret powers; she must stay in a witch’s coven to protect herself from various baddies, one being the great Gale Howard, who gives nasty a new name.

As of 2012 the show is still good; of course there is a stupid storyline with one of the twink witches going to a psychic (a cute psychis at that but corny) Also great was seeing Stepfanie Kramer from "Hunter" fame, pop up as sexy-maybe bad-maybe good witch grandma (The Secret Garden has the hottest looking parents and grannies you've ever seen on TV)

If “Circle” can keep up the twist and turns it will have a permanent place in my DVR, and my nightmares.

The Ringer airs Tuesday’s @ 9: pm on CW

The Secret Circle airs Thursday’s @ 9: pm on CW

Update: May 2012. Both shows were cancelled after just one season.

Like Apple Juice? Like The Arsenic That’s In It?

   Recent product safety tests commissioned by the New York consumer advocacy group, Empire State Consumer Project, showed high ass levels of arsenic in a sample of Mott’s brand apple juice to be more than 5 times the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency’s legal limit for safe drinking water. Apple juice, a favorite of many, is especially given to children and the very old; so if we don’t kill you when you’re a baby, we’ll get you on your way out.

Arsenic is a natural substance and can be found naturally at very low levels in soil, plants and drinking water, and most people in the world are exposed to minute amounts of this naturally-occurring arsenic without serious consequences. However, factory pollution and repeated agricultural use of animal poisons and pesticides containing arsenic can cause water and soil to become contaminated with levels of arsenic well above the natural norm.

The EPA limits arsenic in drinking water to 10 parts per billion; the Empire State Consumer Project tests revealed one sample of Mott’s juice to contain 55 parts per billion of arsenic — well above the EPA’s “safe” level for water. Chronic exposure to sub-poisonous levels of arsenic has been linked to an increased risk of skin cancer, lung cancer, liver damage and birth defects in children.

Many U.S. distributors of apple sauce and apple juice — including some organic brands and many brands that are marketed directly to children — source some or all of their apples from Chinese orchards. China is the world’s largest apple producer and controls an estimated 80% of the world’s apple export market. So what the hell are all of these farms in the USA growing these days if most of our fruit comes from China? Oh that’s right instead of fruit and vegetables; a lot of farms you drive by in places like Allentown Pennsylvania and Missouri grow Puppies; so instead of corn on the cob, Ma and Pa Kettle are breeding poor animals, with the mother dogs kept in cages their whole life breeding babies until they die. Some dogs get rewarded by getting let out of their cages to get shot in the head when their “growing season” is over. I guess that’s the reason why the barn is always painted red; hides blood stains.

So what do you do? Stop drinking apple juice? I think it's a good idea to read your juice labels. I dont' think i'd drink any juice not made in the USA knowing this information; maybe it’s best to buy only organic or just drink water with fruit juice in it. So if you have kids and they have only one juice a day, the levels of arsenic won’t be too bad; but what if you have a child who loves to have their “Juicy Juice” or “Cuddle Bear Juice,” 3 or 5 times a day?

Dr. Mehmet Oz, the host of "The Dr. Oz Show," aired a segment Tuesday on his popular TV show about high levels of Arsenic in Apple Juice. Dr. OZ wondered why the FDA hasn't set a limit on arsenic in apple juice.

The FDA fired back at Dr. Oz on both its website and Facebook page, saying there is some arsenic in apple juice, but most of it occurs naturally and is safe and delicious.

Dr. Oz countered that claim, saying even adults need to be careful.

Zachary Adam Cohen-My Fox NY reported, Cohen a noted strategist and local foods advocate, agreed. He said trying to figure out where the apples in your juice come from is especially tough. He said a lot of processed food labels won't say where the ingredients are grown and picked. So I guess in the end it’s up to us to decide what’s safe or not.

The FDA states that the apple juice is fine and we always want to believe everything the government says right...right?

I wonder how many servings of apple juice the employee’s of the FDA give their children?

Blondie Panic Of Girls new album; 5 Stars.

                    
BLONDIE IS BACK with a brand new album titled Panic of Girls. Unlike some classic groups who seem satisfied with singing for their supper with old hits; Blondie refreshes themselves by putting out a new album that keeps their classic sound, without seeming dated or forced; which pretty much means, the competition can kiss their age.

New hot singles “Mother,” and “What I Heard.” shows Blondie has no trouble being in 2011 and can churn out better singles then most of their younger contemporaries and should get radio play. Hot tracks like, “Wipe Off My Sweat.” sung in Spanish and “Le Bleu” sung in French should have the gay boys dancing and crying at the bars soon. "D-Day" shows the spark left in Blondie and one of the best songs EVER made.

Blondie has always been a group that is hard to place; I think that’s why they have trouble getting recognized for their unique talent to sing so many styles without sounding foolish.


   

Debbie Harry 2011



Debbie Harry 1978

Tracks like “Love Doesn’t Frighten Me.” And “D-Day.” show Blondie in a sassy Rock mood and it comes off swimmingly well.

No other group has had so many hits in different genres of music than Blondie, “In The Flesh,” 1960’s girl group twang with a punk edge; “Heart of Glass.” Dance floor Disco-take your birth control; “One Way or Another,” A rocking obsessive odyssey; “Sunday Girl,” Easy Listening at its sexiest; “Call Me,” European Dance Rock & back again; “Tide is High,” Reggae tell off pop. “Rapture,” Slow & sexy Rap, and the first Rap song to go number 1; “Maria,” pure pop at its finest; “Good Boys,” Club Music for sex in a bathroom stall.

Of course part of the success and sometimes failure of Blondie can be attributed to Debbie Harry; who at 66-years old looks younger than a 25-year-old Lindsey Lohan. Mrs. Harry might have a couple of new wrinkles and not dance very well on stage, but listening to her voice makes you think of grade A honey and like a fine wine has gotten better with age.




Debbie Harry 2011


Some other stand out tracks on Panic of Girls include, “Girlie Girlie,” & “Sunday Smile”. “China Shoes.” is another brilliant song that should get Blondie the “Grammy” they deserve; Lady Gaga has announced that “China Shoes.” is her favorite and people should buy Panic of Girls just alone for it.




Blondie 2011


Blondie’s new album is just as good as their classics, if not better. Another problem with Blondie is people don’t give their new stuff proper listen, as their classics get pumped out every couple of years with new Greatest Hits cds; many Blondie songs are still played in current movies, TV ads, radio and back seats of cars as horny teenagers played doctor.

Will this CD hit? Probably not, given Blondie's shitty managment and radio's ignorance with any singer over 50-years-old. So lets support bands like Blondie; they don't make them like this anymore.

Panic of Girls arrives in stores and online September 13; buy it, download it, just get a hold of it.

At Funeral, Dog Mourns The Death Of Navy Seal Killed In Afghanistan

Jon Tumilson, a Navy Seal, was one of 38 Americans killed in Afghanistan on Aug. 6 when a rocket-propelled grenade destroyed a U.S. helicopter. He was mourned at a service in Rockford, Iowa, attended by 1,500 family members, friends-and Hawkeye, Tumilson's loyal dog.

The Labrador retriever was such an important part of Tumilson's life that his friends and family often referred to the dog as his “son.”

When Tumilson's buddy Scott Nichols walked to the front of the room to speak, Hawkeye followed, lying next to his “dads” coffin, letting out a big sigh, according to observers. Hawkeye laid by the casket for the entire funeral.

War is senseless in so many ways; I could argue 20 reasons why Jon Tumilson shouldn’t have been fighting this war but it wouldn’t matter. Tumilson’s family and friends will have to grieve for their fallen son, brother, uncle, cousin, friend, in a way that fits their individual personality.

For one lonely dog named Hawkeye, his suffering will be done in silence.

 

Lazy Lover

   THE EVENING WAS going so good I almost wished something bad would happen. He was smart, cute, sarcastic and had all his teeth; totally my type. When a drunken straight girl barged her way into our booth and made us sit closer I felt the electricity from his corduroy pants leg; this dude could be the jelly to my peanut butter; the Spam to my eggs; the Cipro to that groin itch.

In my bed after we exhausted foreplay; I asked him about his lacking “Monica Lewinsky” type skills; his reply, “I don’t really do it that well, so I always give up, my last three boyfriends cheated on me...you have a diet Coke?”

I let it drop and we finished our dance. Later when he was gone and I was brushing my teeth I had to think that was a poor answer. He is 32-years-old; when does one get good at such a thing; 80-years –old? And then you can take out your teeth; so it doesn’t mean you’re better at it; it means you’ve worked around your lack of oral talent.

I agreed to a second date, but my hesitation is, maybe he just sucks in bed. I definitely met people before that were great at everything but sex, kissing or intimacy. That my friend could admit his shortcomings was kind of refreshing, but disappointing that he couldn’t give it the old college try.

Our next date was scheduled 9 days later-thanks to his busy schedule. As the days drag on now I wonder how to make him better. Should I bring a cucumber for him to practice on? Maybe that’s too much; maybe I should start with a pickle or if he’s that much of a wuss; maybe a gherkin?

Saturday is only a few days away but seems like months. Will the second try be better or will he sink into oblivion like many others before him? When Saturday came he didn’t call me and I didn’t call him; so I made other plans. Later in the day he texted, “what was up.?” I thought it’s more like, what went down after his terrible performance.

I really think I should tell him how much he sucks in bed; I’m known to do as much with other people. I find it my duty to tell people what other people won’t say. I decide not to tell him; let him bore some other unsuspecting lover boy in the sheets; It also made me wonder how many lovers out there I bored in the sack. What's good to one person is bad to another; but dam at least seem like you're trying or caring if you're going to bother to get naked.

Do you think you’re good in bed? I thought I was but maybe it's just me who sucks at sex.

My Blind Date Was Disappointed; I Was Disappointed When He Showed Up!

A RECENT BLIND date remarked (with pursed lips) that he was disappointed when I made an off color joke on our date. I was disappointed when he showed up and looked nothing like his pictures. Disappointed? Please, I was disappointed I didn’t leave as soon as I saw him. I’m not trying to be mean but what a silly, delusional little drama queen this dude was.

It was a hot, steamy night. The sidewalks in Chelsea smelled of sweat, urine, Starbucks coffee, teeth whitener and a weird mix of cheap cologne-that’s only sold in Chelsea, and only worn by guys who don’t live in Chelsea. I made it through the long two blocks from my apartment; tired after a long day but determined to be positive about my blind date. I waited for Mr. Wonderful in front of a local booze and food joint that had a good bar to meet at. Sweat did a dance on my forehead but I waited outside in good spirits and watched the parade of bodies walking past me like random Picasso paintings come to life. I heard my name and saw a sight that was like a blurry vision of the pictures I studied on online, except this vision was live and in color and nothing like the 10 or so pictures he sent me.

I could run away from him but that would be evil; though when you think about it, anyone who misrepresents themselves is deceptive and should be taught a lesson. Some people could be naïve or dumb. I had a feeling this dude has a habit of being left on first dates (and would be there again) when he remarked, “I’ll understand if you buzz off.” What could I do? It was hot and I wanted a cold drink.

He wouldn’t let me buy the first round; which meant I had to buy the second round and stay for awhile. As he waddled over to the bar I studied him. He wore a too tight Pepsi T-shirt that showed his willingness at advertizing his muffin top (think I’ll switch to Dr. Pepper) A feminine guy sitting next to me drawling, kept laughing to himself watching my situation or maybe it was the expression on my face. Pepsi Tight came over with our drinks-my beer and his Jack Daniels on the rocks; Pepsi Tight was hitting the hard stuff. His man boobs pointed at me like two guns in a bank robbery and I was the main hostage. His perspective loot? I guess he fancied a second date; I should have worn jogging shoes.

He basically drank his drink in two minutes; talking about himself in fevered glory. Pepsi Tight was all eye rolling and hand jittering like Helen Keller on Crack. He seemed to be a nice guy, but if Google had an official picture for delusional it would be him. I bought him another round. We started talking to the guy next to us. Soon Pepsi Tight needed to go have a cigarette. The guy next to me asked,” You got out of bed for this?” I had to laugh. It wasn’t just that he looked different from his pictures online, but we had nothing in common; I thought Michael Jackson was black; he thought he was white; it wasn’t going to work.

Back from his cigarette break Pepsi Tight went to the bar and ordered another round; I couldn’t leave now with free, cold beer coming my way. Time went on and the air conditioner started to go out in the joint. Pepsi Tight went to the bar without asking me and got a fourth round; maybe he was trying to get me drunk; I guess it worked I slept with him.

Just joking; there’s not enough alcohol in the world for that. By the fourth drink I was out the door; he was drunk as hell and wobbled out after me like a fly chasing a dog that pooped too much. On the street I tried to think of something positive to say; i'm not a total heartless jerk but luckily he just walked away like nothing ever happened. I stood and watched him strut down the street like a whore who just made forty bucks. Maybe it’s good to be delusional; Pepsi Tight was disappointed in me, but something tells me he’s disappointed on an hourly basis; I’m just disappointed in blind dates, but I’d be more disappointed if I never tried.

Amy Winehouse Found Dead, Wasted Talent

Amy Winehouse has been found dead at her home in London, it has been reported; she was only 27-years -old. She only recorded two albums and was at work on a new one that had been in the oven for years, but never fully cooked thanks in part to Ms. Winehouse’s trouble with drink and drugs.

In a statement, the Metropolitan Police said: 'Police were called by London Ambulance Service to an address in Camden Square NW1 shortly before 16.05hrs today, Saturday 23 July, following reports of a woman found unconscious in her London home.’ She was pronounced dead at 3:54pm London time.

Enquiries continue into the circumstances of the death. At this early stage it is being treated as unexplained, but several sources say it was drug related.

I’m mad at her. She was talented and unusual and had many more years to sing and entertain. Sometimes I’d see pictures of her and think she looked terrible and doubted her worth; other times she seemed to have it together and looked pretty good, so I happily rooted for her like a father at his son’s first baseball game. Sometimes I wonder if humans get a sick thrill out of seeing other’s fall on their face.

I wish she could have killed the dragon that chased her daily; it made her his victim of highs & lows. Some people are able to come out of any situation and survive-head up, lessons learned. Some people give up, give in to their weaknesses and fall head first; maybe the only way for Ms. Winehouse to slay her dragon was to let it eat her alive.

Kim Kardashian’s Wedding Registry versus Prices Helping Poor Kids

UPDATED October 31, 2011:
Page 1 of Friday’s New York Times ran a color photo of a mother in Somalia trying to feed her baby suffering from malnutrition. Page 2 featured high end retail ads; one featuring a Chanel bag for $3, 200. It made me wonder; what could $3, 200 do to help? I made a chart comparing the needs of poor children and those of Kim Kardashian’s wedding registry list just for fun.

What Kim Wants                                                                   What Poor Kids Want

Silver serving spoon ($1,250)                                                Rice & Beans 375 lbs****($75)

Havana ashtrays ($840 each)                                                 Goat* ($120)

Christofle Vertigo small tray ($1,050)                                     Heifer* ($500)

Baccarat ice bucket ($635)                                                    Birth Certificate** ($25)

Lalique black clock ($1,115)                                                  Mosquito Net** ($30)

Nude black statue by Lalique ($325)                                      10 baby blankets** ($100)

Tourbillon black vase ($6,500)                                               Pig*($120)

Christofle Vertigo small tray ($1,050)                                     5 flu vaccinations*** ($175)



I’m not naïve to think if I handed over $3, 200 to poor children and their families, their pain & hunger would evaporate. You have to give money to organizations that can help the poor; it’s like giving $100 bucks to a homeless guy; is this going to get him off the street? No, he will probably use it on booze, broads or drugs. The homeless guy would be happy for a day, but this isn’t long term.

The poor need to eat, learn trades and get medication. I know this is controversial to say but I think they also should get birth control until they can help themselves; why have these kids if they can’t feed them? I don’t think rich people should have to give to the poor if they don’t want to, their money is their own; who the hell cares if they want to spend $2,000 on a pair of moccasins? I just find it funny when you compare the needs of gluttony to the needs of the unfortunate; it makes you see how stupid possessions are compared to a kid needing something to eat.

With a body like this, Kris Humphries will be OK;  who needs brains?

It would have been nice if privileged Kim Kardashian would have asked upcoming wedding guest to give gifts to charity, instead of asking people to buy her overpriced useless junk, that talentless; lard assed; fame whore celebrity doesn’t need. A smile of a once starving child brings me more joy than reading the extravagances of someone’s attention seeking wedding.






*UPDATE: October 31, 2011. Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce after only 72 days of marrige. Kris Humphries (the big, doe eyed goon who married her) had a suspicion his bimbo wife Kim Kardashian could be bailing on their marriage, but has told NBA friends he was “blindsided” by Monday’s divorce filing and learned of the news through a TMZ report like the rest of the world. Maybe Kris should have gotten a clue or brain cell and relized that The Kardashian's only do things for publicity; i'm sure the public will be force fed Kim's tragic side of the story like a Crack Whore being fed a pep talk.

Dear public; forget about these fame seeking gargoyles. I wonder if Kardashian will give back all the gifts? I doubt it, knowing the Kardashian's they will sell the stuff on Ebay or Craigslist just to get more money and fame.

*heifer.org

**planusa.org

***rmhc.org

****foodforthepoor.org

*****gearysofbeverlyhills.com

Trying To Lose Weight? Don’t Watch Late Night TV

We don't look like him.

   Late Night TV hopping had me bored, finally I found a TV movie with a woman being betrayed and thought it would help me sleep. Suddenly a Burger King commercial flashed on the screen; followed by Budweiser & Dunkin Donuts; I found myself wondering if there was a BK or DD open at 2: 00 A.M? How people are supposed to lose weight with food shoved in their face? Why don’t we ever see commercials celebrating the wonders of broccoli?

   I Understand It’s all a part of advertizing and it’s easier to make over processed crap than it is organic tasty delights, but how is a brother suppose to stay thin in the summer? (I won’t even mention winter and those damn tasty Chicken Pot Pies) Late night TV should be flooded with commercials featuring salad; that would make me fall right to sleep. I don’t need temptation; I need medication my Barnyard Friends. A cookie is good anytime of the day; but a cookie after midnight, even sweeter.

   According To Psychology Today, the effect of junk food ads is not simply brand preference: An ad for M&Ms did not cause people to go search for M&MS. The junk food ads just caused people to eat whatever was available. So if the Lay’s chips are in your house, and the commercial for Pringle’s starts blaring, don’t be surprised if you open that bag of Lay’s.

   So what’s The solution my Barnyard Friends? Give sugar and salty goodies up for good? I would say no, but if you must have them; eat them on the day you buy them. This way when you have the late night munches, there won’t be much temptation besides gadgets that cost 19.95 and require you to ACT NOW! By the way, anybody want to buy some handy gadget’s that cost 19.95? If you ACT NOW! I will give you a second one for free with separate shipping and handling.

Some People Don’t Want To Date…You

"I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.' There is an Africansaying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt."

— Maya Angelou

Trying to get your ass in shape at the gym is hard. Trying to get a second date in New York is like trying to find your underwear after an orgy-hard work. Why is it so hard to find that right girl or guy? it's like everyone you meet has a third eye; looking for a better upgrade.

New York can be hell for single people; most claim they want to meet a nice mate but the truth is they really don’t want to. A lot of people claim they want love and that there are no good men or women left in New York; bullshit, the majority of these single people don’t know what they want, and make it a hobby to make you believe they want a relationship, when they have no attention of going past 3 or 4 dates.

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."
— Maya Angelou

Why do these singles fool themselves and you? Good question; sane people that enjoy being single have a goodtime and are honest about not wanting to get tied down. Players & fakers grab your hand on the first date; text you constantly and always tell you how cute you are. There’s nothing worse than someone holding you one day, and ignoring you the next day.

I guess you never want to give up when trying to meet your mate; but constant obstacles and let downs when it comes to love make it impossible not to explode sometimes. So how do you avoid the players and fakers? I’d love to tell you the answer my friends, but I can’t; some of these players & fakers don’t even know what they’re doing to people; so delete their number, and flush them out of your lives.

Actor Taylor Kinney seems to love him some Lady GaGa; will it last?


 

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option."
— Maya Angelou

The best advice is to dust yourself off and get back on your feet; we’ve all been burned and it eventually heals. Life’s a crap shoot, either learn to play or give up. I won’t give up and hope you won’t either. If a scary mess like Jonny Weir can get gay married; that means there's hope for all of us.