Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Meet 2013’s Dancing With The “Stars” Cast.

As usual ABC trots out unemployed celebrities from the past, brain dead athlete's and current reality show tramps for their laughably titled, glitter competition show, “Dancing With The Stars.”

This year’s picks seem about as fresh as Betty White’s virginity; let’s take a look at the motley crew for this season and try to figure out who most of them are.There is to be a surprise 12th contestant announced soon; many whisper it could be cash hungry Lindsay Lohan, if she can get her legal and drug troubles under control; I doubt it, I think it will be a reality personality.
1.Wynonna Judd: 48, is a legit Country music Star; though when she had her last hit is anyone’s guess; recently famous for booze addiction, weight, marriage troubles and horrible red hair color.

2. Lisa Vanderpump: 52, entrepreneur and star of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and "Vamderpump Rules." This marks the third TV show the English muffin is gracing us with in 2013; who the hell is she, Anderson Cooper with hair color and Botox?

3. Dorothy Hammill: 56, Olympic gold medalist from the 1976 Winter Games and purveyor of the bowl hair-cut; I thought she died of perkiness.

4. D.L. Hughley: 49, comedian, actor and star of "The Hughleys." What does D. L stand for, Da Loser?

5. Jacoby Jones: 28, wide receiver for Baltimore Ravens. At 6’2 it will be funny to see him wiggle to the Fox Trot.

6. Andy Dick: 47, actor and comedian. Known more for being a druggie and a drunk as of late; the only one worth watching because he will make a big fool out of himself.

7. Victor Ortiz: 26, welterweight champion. Never heard of him but I hope Wynonna Judd doesn’t fall on him.

8. Zendaya Coleman: 16, star of "Shake It Up" on the Disney Channel. The acne prone baby chicken will bring annoying cute smiles for the cameras.

9. Aly Raisman: 18, U.S. Women's Gymnastics Team. I had to Google her, um, yeah, who cares about her.

10. Ingo Rademacher: 41, Actor, “General Hospital”; wait, “General Hospital” is still on the air; um is Luke and Laura still on there?

11. Kellie Pickler: 26, "American Idol" finalist and Country singer. Pickler’s agent should get a gold star for always getting work for her; how he or she (bet it’s a he) does it is beyond me. Pickler reminds me of a cream puff; sweet but nothing inside but air.