Sunday, October 28, 2012

Duck Stupid! How to Survive a Hurricane by My Momma.

My momma was born in 1921 and she had a lot of advice about storms, and when she took her medication; most of what she said even made sense.

My momma lived through several wars, many presidents and even different Michael Jackson noses, so she knew a thing or two about life.

Here is what she often told me about hurricanes, and let’s hope everyone, from old friends-to-new friends-to-Republicans remain safe, as we wait out this Frankenstorm with the innocent name of Sandy.

1. When there’s a hurricane; that means the devil is flushing his toilet; so stay inside.

2. Hide in the bathtub, and shave your legs to wait out the storm.

3. Don’t fry bacon, you’ll be electrocuted.

4. Hide under a coffee table, and if you’re too fat; now’s the time to diet.

5. If you see a cow flying; duck, stupid.

Me and  my momma; damn I was a chubster!
6. If your cellar is too packed, make the old people get out-they’ve lived long enough.

7. Don’t have sex; it will make your future children cross-eyed.

8. Don’t pray to God; he went to the movies.

9. Take a laxative; this way you won’t shit yourself in case things get bad.