Little Timmy smiled at the Target guard; gum drops and false chocolate stained his buck teeth. The guard bent down to pat the little imp’s blonde head, and a pack of Batman Underoos fell out of Timmy’s Muppet T-shirt.
Shoplifting is up 6 percent this year, according to Adweek; one out of every 11 people who walk into a store, walk out with a five finger discount.
Here's a look at the top 10 list of the most stolen items around the holidays:
1. Filet mignon: For the vegetarian in your life; just to be mean.
2. Jameson whiskey: You would gift this but you’re too much of a drunk to part with it.
3. Electric tools: For the lesbian next door; because she coughed you five bucks once.
4. iPhone 6: For your Ho; somebody’s got to call you in jail.
6. Axe brand deodorant: For the guy who can’t get laid in your office and thinks the mail lady would be hot if she got her bunions sanded.
7. Polo Ralph Lauren: For yourself; a guys gotta look sharp when you’re driving your mom’s 1986 Pinto.
8. Let's Rock Elmo: For one of your 5 kids; which one? Let them fight it out.
9. Chanel No. 5: For your babies momma’s-momma; it will make her trailer smell pretty.
10. Nikes: For the guy who got his Nikes stolen from you; when he was sleeping on the subway.