Tuesday, December 2, 2014

‘Tis The Season 4 Shoplifting: Top 10 Items Stolen 4 Xmas

Little Timmy smiled at the Target guard; gum drops and false chocolate stained his buck teeth. The guard bent down to pat the little imp’s blonde head, and a pack of Batman Underoos fell out of Timmy’s Muppet T-shirt.

Shoplifting is up 6 percent this year, according to Adweek; one out of every 11 people who walk into a store, walk out with a five finger discount.

Here's a look at the top 10 list of the most stolen items around the holidays:

1. Filet mignon: For the vegetarian in your life; just to be mean.

2. Jameson whiskey: You would gift this but you’re too much of a drunk to part with it.

3. Electric tools: For the lesbian next door; because she coughed you five bucks once.

4. iPhone 6: For your Ho; somebody’s got to call you in jail.

5. Gillette Mach 4 razor blades: For your momma, who really needs to shave her arm pits.

6. Axe brand deodorant: For the guy who can’t get laid in your office and thinks the mail lady would be hot if she got her bunions sanded.

7. Polo Ralph Lauren: For yourself; a guys gotta look sharp when you’re driving your mom’s 1986 Pinto.

8. Let's Rock Elmo: For one of your 5 kids; which one? Let them fight it out.

9. Chanel No. 5: For your babies momma’s-momma; it will make her trailer smell pretty.

10. Nikes: For the guy who got his Nikes stolen from you; when he was sleeping on the subway.