Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Screw Valentine’s Day. February 13th is Mistress Day!

Mistress Day could have helped Glen Close in Fatal Attraction.

Mistress Day is a hidden secret and with Valentine’s Day getting all the press I thought it was about time to expose this great holiday; which in my opinion is ignored more than a girl at Ricky Martin’s birthday party.

Most restaurants and florist have reported that February 13th is fast becoming just as popular as February 14th, due to the fact that most married men take out their mistresses or favorite rent boys for dinner that night; guess what’s for dessert? A cheap hotel.

So if your man happens to be out late on February 13th, saying something about a work dinner. Watch out! When he gets home; smell him like a blind hound dog. If your man or lady smells like chocolate fondue; you better believe they were celebrating Mistress Day.

Tiger Woods main Ho Rachel Uchitel loves Feb 13th.
I’ve never been the mistress type and believe me there are a lot of gay and “straight” married men out there looking for a good time. I just could never be second banana (literally!) to a wife or boyfriend; I’m an only child and I don’t like to share. I have friends that do it and no matter what they say, they’re miserable, but always think in the back of their mind that; “they’ll get him one day.”

Here’s a fact; most married men don’t leave a marriage unless their partner breaks it up, and why should they? They have the best of both worlds; a maid at home and a slut at a hotel.

A friend of mine, who works at a major Chelsea restaurant, told me that February 13th is almost as booked as February 14, “Marc” reports that last year the restaurant was full of older men with wedding rings, pretty girls and cute young boys.

I’ll make it no secret that I hate Valentine’s Day; when I’m in a relationship it can be very frustrating trying to please your partner by doing a bunch of things that you saw in the movies. Retail is no better by throwing it in your face when you walk into CVS, “She’ll be mad and make you a cad-remember V-Day is Feb 14th!” Oh screw you.

When you’re single you’re made to feel like a loser for not having someone. couples, most of them in  toxic relationships built on desperation and a second paycheck will fill your head with stories of their happy romance; my momma always said,”If you have to sell it, it must be broke.” If you're single and go on dating apps you'll get nothing but married men hitting on you--yeah, I'd rather stay single then settle for one of these horny losers.

Is there any better example than Seal and Heidi Klum; who got remarried every year on their anniversary for seven years and got divorced anyway; Auf Wiedersehen to you, bitch.

I support the Ho’s in having their day declared a national holiday. No matter which day you support I hope you’re going to have a wonderful time; I personally don’t care for either; it’s February 15th, that mixes my margarita; it’s when all the Valentine’s candy goes on sale for 50% off; now that’s my kind of holiday.