David Muir Makes Us Warmer Than A Hot Car Seat.

Here at HTYM we usually get our news from Chelsea Handler or Wendy Williams, but now that ABC has promoted David Muir as host of "20/20" and "World News," we can’t get enough facts about 'Moms Who Murder,' or that place called Libya. OK he might stand weirdly, but we can't keep our eyes off him!

Muir could be reading the back of a shampoo bottle most nights and we would be hypnotized with every word he says; now that’s reporting, and that’s one serious side part he’s got.

   

With his trademark brown suits and puppy dogs eyes, Muir has more than a few ladies using Google to see if he’s single and ripe for the picking. A little (gay) bird told me he plays on the lavender team; which, if true will have many women yelling into the air, “I can change him!” and many gays hooting, "what's his number?" and "is he on Facebook?"





David Muir is hot and ours; and that blonde needs to leave him alone.

I really don't care where Muir dips his pickle; besides his good looks and body that could make me sell my mother; Muir is a refreshing change to late night news; he seems smart but not a snob, and unlike most news people; when he smiles it really looks like he's happy; i'll take Muir's face (and anything else he wants to give) anyday over the frozen death look most TV news people give to the public. 

Gulp, those arms could open a lot of jars around my house.

Let's be honest, Muir could just eat a bag of Fig Newton's on air for an hour and i'd still watch, and by the good ratings he's getting, so would you.

Download the #1 Best Seller, New Year's Eve Kill for FREE.

My first #1 best seller! Tears. In honor of my first #1 book, U can now download New Year's Eve Kill, for a FREE. And please leave a quick- kind-review on Amazon after you read :)

  When This Hospital Takes Your Blood—They Take Your Blood!
After getting through the busy holiday season, coffee shop owner and all around sassafras, Ethel Cunningham, suffers a fall and winds up in the notoriously rundown Christmas hospital on New Year’s Eve. There’s no holiday cheer here for the sassy sleuth as she soon realizes her roommate is trying to communicate with her from behind the bed curtains that are never open. The staff tells Ethel that the man is in a coma and has been out for a week. Then why is there odd scratching coming from the other side of the curtain?
 

In one of her trickiest, and heart pounding mysteries yet. Ethel is faced with one of her greatest fears—being trapped in a scary hospital where no one can hear your screams.

LINK to Amazon. http://amzn.com/B017IECVXY

 

Wentworth Miller on Depression, Suicide Attempt.

Amazing story written by Wentworth Miller. He gained weight because he was battling serious depression and other issues. Of course everyone made fun of his weight gain, posting side-by-side photos. Read his fantastic raw story below. It's hard not to judge people, and with online LIKES and ME-ME-ME culture, we're all forgetting three simple words: empathy for others.

Wentworth Miller 

Today I found myself the subject of an Internet meme. Not for the first time.
This one, however, stands out from the rest.
In 2010, semi-retired from acting, I was keeping a low-profile for a number of reasons.

First and foremost, I was suicidal.

This is a subject I've since written about, spoken about, shared about.
But at the time I suffered in silence. As so many do. The extent of my struggle known to very, very few.
Ashamed and in pain, I considered myself damaged goods. And the voices in my head urged me down the path to self-destruction. Not for the first time.
I've struggled with depression since childhood. It's a battle that's cost me time, opportunities, relationships, and a thousand sleepless nights.
In 2010, at the lowest point in my adult life, I was looking everywhere for relief/comfort/distraction. And I turned to food. It could have been anything. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. But eating became the one thing I could look forward to. Count on to get me through. There were stretches when the highlight of my week was a favorite meal and a new episode of TOP CHEF. Sometimes that was enough. Had to be.

And I put on weight. Big f--king deal.

One day, out for a hike in Los Angeles with a friend, we crossed paths with a film crew shooting a reality show. Unbeknownst to me, paparazzi were circling. They took my picture, and the photos were published alongside images of me from another time in my career. "Hunk To Chunk." "Fit To Flab." Etc.

My mother has one of those "friends" who's always the first to bring you bad news. They clipped one of these articles from a popular national magazine and mailed it to her. She called me, concerned.

In 2010, fighting for my mental health, it was the last thing I needed.
Long story short, I survived.
So do those pictures.
I'm glad.

Now, when I see that image of me in my red t-shirt, a rare smile on my face, I am reminded of my struggle. My endurance and my perseverance in the face of all kinds of demons. Some within. Some without.

Like a dandelion up through the pavement, I persist.
Anyway. Still. Despite.

The first time I saw this meme pop up in my social media feed, I have to admit, it hurt to breathe. But as with everything in life, I get to assign meaning. And the meaning I assign to this/my image is Strength. Healing. Forgiveness.
Of myself and others.
If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available. Reach out. Text. Send an email. Pick up the phone. Someone cares. They're waiting to hear from you. Much love. - W.M. ‪#‎koalas‬ ‪#‎inneractivist‬ ‪#‎prisonbroken‬
www.afsp.org
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
www.activeminds.org
www.thetrevorproject.org
www.iasp.info

How Our Next President Should Be Chosen.

Anyone with an ounce of brain cells still left must be annoyed with how most things are run in government. Take the current elections and candidates (someone take them) I say screw the debates, handshakes and kissing snot-nosed kids at rallies. If you want to be the president of the United States you should have to compete in The Hunger Games.

Anyone not familiar with The Hunger Games books or movies I will explain the concept. People are forced to survive through extreme measures in the outdoors until only one person is left alive and the winner. Could you imagine Hillary Clinton in one of her famous polyester pantsuits, swimming in a lake, trying to find food, or how about Donald Trump in one of his cheaply made Donald Trump ties, trying to climb a tree before a swarm of bees gets him?

Just think, all these hours of debates and fake fighting between the candidates would be depleted. Every night after dinner you could turn on your TV or mobile device and watch these phony, creepy, lying, power hungry presidential hopefuls kill and maim each other for real.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Why Are People Getting So Many Ugly Tattoos?

The evening was filled with laughter and plenty of alcohol. For a third date, things we’re really going well and I knew this was the night we would be making monkey love for the first time.
   Maybe he was, the one.

The lights were low at my place and we started to get busy as belts and shirts flew off. Instead of a body to die for I was confronted with a bric-a-brac of ugly tattoos. Here is some advice to people out there that put children or old people’s faces on their body; one does not want to stare at Grandma Mitzi’s overbite or look at the puss on little Mary-Lou when you’re trying to have sex.

    Listen, when tattoos are done well, they are hot, but when they are spelled wrong; have faces that would scare a mortician, or seems like their body looks like the wall at a rundown tattoo pallor; total turnoff. I wish people would be sober when they got a lot of these ugly tattoos; the world would be a prettier place.

   So why are people getting so many ugly tattoos? Because humans are stupid, and copy off people they see on the street or the internet instead of having some originality. These days when I see a guy without tattoos I think; he’s hot.

   Though now that I’m thinking about it. I want to put my money into a tattoo removal business. That is the business of the future.

Which States Have The Biggest And The Smallest Penis?

We here at HTYM are all about educational articles; and when we feel there’s a story that needs growth or more of a lengthy investigation; we’ll pull everything we have to get the facts, and gladly shoot what we find, straight to our dear readers faces, or eyes, or chin, or…

A condom company has poled over 27,000 men (tough job!) and we have come face first into the top 50 states raked by the average penis size; which means my slower cuties; 1, equals biggest. About 25, means average, and by 50, you should look to move somewhere in the top 25.

Where does your state rise, or fall?

1. New Hampshire; Heard about the “Hotel New Hampshire,” think I’ll book a room.

2. Oregon; Oregon is known as the Beaver state; and I bet those beavers are damn happy.
3. New York; home of Nathans hot dog and Anthony Weiner’s wiener.
4. Indiana; The state's name means "Land of the Indians,” should be renamed Hungdiana.
5. Arizona; the largest city here is Phoenix, and now I know why the Phoenix is rising.
6. Hawaii; I guess that’s why the Hawaiian dancers are always moving so fast; must be in pain.
7. Louisiana; when it’s that warm, things grow.
8. Massachusetts; some have Nicknamed this the “Codfish State,” enough said.
9. Alabama; An estimated 20 million tourists annually visit the state; and now we know why.
10. Washington; I knew there we’re big dicks in Washington.
11. New Mexico; the state’s motto is: Crescit eundo (It grows as it goes) holler!
12. California; California (Wet) Dreaming.
13. Arkansas; the capital is Little Rock; I don’t think so.
14. Nevada; Nevada is the only state in the U.S where prostitution is legal; and those Ho’s are sore.
15. Virginia; yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he is hung like a horse.  
16. Tennessee; Tennessee whisky goes down smooth, and so does a big…
17. Illinois; another reason to like Mormons, and to get on your knees.
18. Oklahoma; Nicknamed: Sooner State; sooner than later, big boy.
19. South Dakota; Mount Rushmore is located here; as is something with dead presidents.
20. Georgia; The Georgia peach has been popped, and often.
21. Pennsylvania; the Philadelphia cream cheese isn’t the only thing that’s spreadable here.
22. Mississippi; Mississippi mud pie; after one of those big boys.
23. Michigan; they’re known for their lakes; a few guys might want to jump in them.

24. Florida; so many retire here and walk with canes; now we know why.
25. Rhode Island; hopefully all Rhodes lead to their pants.
26. Kansas; you’re not in Kansas anymore, and neither is Jeff Stryker!
27. Maryland, not so merry.
28. Minnesota; things shrink in the cold; no, really.
29.Vermont; well at least they have their famous cheddar to eat.
30. Connecticut; known for cheap taxes and average penis sizes.
31. Wisconsin; Wisconsin is one of the nation's leading dairy producers; a lot gets milked there.
32. New Jersey; they brag “we’re bigger than the storm,” NOT that big.
33. North Dakota; Nicknamed the Roughrider State; but that’s NOT what she said.

34. Idaho; is home of the potato; but it should have been a gherkin.
35. Texas; everything is big in Texas; except the penises.
36. Missouri; Nicknamed the Show Me State; as in show me you aren’t so small.
37. Montana; They call it Big Sky Country; well at least something’s big there.
38. Ohio; Ohio comes from the Iroquois word ohi-yo’, meaning “great river” or “large creek”, many disagree.
39. Nebraska; Nicknamed the Cornhusker State; now Nicknamed the Baby Corn State.
40. Colorado; those mountains might be huge, but the men; not so much.

41. Maine; mainly small.
42. North Carolina; is where Carolina’s mom told her to find a bigger man.
43. Delaware; I bet Della-was-a-where of the small penis population, and soon moved.
44. South Carolina; is where Carolina’s mom told her to go after having no fun in the North.
45. Kentucky; I wanted a drumstick, but only got giblets.
46. West Virginia; is where Virginia’s mom told her to go after talking to Carolina’s mom.
47. Alaska; luckily no one takes off their clothes here anyway.
48. Iowa; Nicknamed the Hawkeye State; should be Nicknamed the Teeny Weenie state.
49. Utah; the biggest state for Mormons, and small wankers.
50. Wyoming; no wonder why dudes screw sheep here; the sheep can’t complain.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens—Your Wallet.

Walking through my local grocery store I rubbed my arms. I was in the freezer section. Which was good because I needed coffee creamer (I like my men like I like my coffee—light, sweet, and gone before I go to work) I was surprised and soon disgusted when I saw Chewbacca gracing my creamer bottle. I mean really, what the hell does Star Wars and coffee sweetener have to do with each other?

I get promotion and know from being a writer that you could be the best in the world, and if no one knows you’re alive, you’ll be dead in the water. So advertising is key. The thing with Star Wars is they have a whole publicity campaign going on already from just making a new movie. They don’t need to appear at the Cherryville mall, or a one horse (or one Starbucks) town.

I guess the ‘force’ is also powered to shove this damn film down our throats no matter what. So be prepared for the assault of the eyes (and wallets) as this is the first Star Wars film from The Walt Disney Company (they purchased the rights from Lucasfilm in 2013) I think it’s appropriate for t-shirts, mugs and action figures but Campbell’s soup and Band Aids? That’s just greed and pathetic.

What’s next, Princess Leia Tampons? Maybe I shouldn’t ask.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Opens December 18, 2015.

New York Rents Can Be Murder by Hudson Taylor

New York Rents Can Be Murder is available now!

Apartment for Rent. See Mortician for Keys.

Obnoxious sublet renter Deedee Drinkwater never stopped talking on her cell phone. When she turns up dead, some Clover Court residents can't help but feel relieved that Deedee's data plan was cancelled, permanently.

When police arrest a long time resident of Clover Court for the murder, it's up to coffee shop owner and all around sassafras, Ethel Cunningham, to prove them wrong, and try to stop a blood thirsty killer before they turn all of Clover Court into one big vacancy.



LINK to Kindle http://amzn.com/B018WW8OKU LINK to paperback. http://amzn.com/1517395194

New Year's Eve Kill. New book by Hudson Taylor

New Year's Eve Kill.

When Christmas hospital takes your blood—they take your blood!
After getting through the busy Christmas season, coffee shop owner and all around sassafras, Ethel Cunningham, suffers a fall and winds up in the notoriously rundown Christmas hospital on New Year’s Eve. There’s no holiday cheer here for the sassy sleuth as she soon realizes her roommate is trying to communicate with her from behind the bed curtains that are never open. The staff tells Ethel that the man is in a coma and has been out for a week. Then why is there odd scratching coming from the other side of the curtain?
 
In one of her trickiest, and heart pounding mysteries yet. Ethel is faced with one of her greatest fears—being trapped in a scary hospital where no one can hear your screams.

LINK to AMAZON here.

http://amzn.com/B017IECVXY

Also take a look at these other great Ethel Cunningham adventures!

 

 

Mystery Series with Kate Hudson, Joe Manganiello and Kathy Bates.

Next month I start writing the pilot script for Ethel Cunningham Mysteries. Everyone keeps asking me who should play the leads. Here is my dream cast!

Kate Hudson as Ethel Cunningham.

Joe Manganiello as Detective Vince Carpino.

Kathy Bates as Bernice.

Get a free book! Currently my 4th Ethel Cunningham book is in Amazon's new Kindle Scout campaign. Readers like you get to vote if they should publish a book. If you could follow the LINK below, it will take you to AMAZON. It only takes a minute. Hit NOMINATE ME, and you can nominate New York Rents Can Be Murder by Hudson Taylor. Thanks! and keep reading! https://kindlescout.amazon.com/p/UM1N8FKUBPBC