What The Hell Happened to George Michael?

   Once full of talent; now full of booze, pills and toilet paper on his feet. George Michael seems to have become more famous for his brushes with the law then his music. It seems like only yesterday Michael let his highlights grow out; threw out his razor and went solo, releasing his “Faith” album (actually it was released in 1987) that pooped out four number one hits. Many have wondered how someone so attractive, rich and talented fell so low.

April 7, 1998, he was arrested for "engaging in a lewd act" in a public toilet in a park in Beverly Hills, California. After pleading "no contest" to the charge, Michael was fined $810 and sentenced to 80 hours of community service.

July 23, 2006. Michael was again accused of engaging in anonymous public sex, this time at London's Hampstead Heath. The anonymous loverboy was later discovered to be 58-year-old Norman Kirtland, an unemployed van driver. Michael admits he cruises for anonymous sex and that this was not an issue in his relationship with partner Kenny Goss. I don’t get it; someone with his money could have many men at his disposal, but I guess stinky restrooms make his knickers too heavy to stay up.

Michael’s thirst for bathroom BJ’s and brushes with the law didn’t faze him and he started ranking up more arrests then hits; On February 26, 2006, Michael was arrested for possession of Class C drugs. 2007 Michael was arrested in London, after motorists reported a car obstructing the road at traffic lights. He pleaded guilty on May 8, 2007 to driving while unfit through drugs. He was banned from driving for two years, and sentenced to community service. September 2008, Michael was arrested in a public toilet in the Hampstead Heath area of London for possession of Class A and C drugs. He was taken to the police station and cautioned for substance possession.

In the early hours of July 4, 2010, the surly former superstar was spotted driving erratically in North London and was arrested on suspicion of being unfit to drive after reports that his car crashed into a building. On August 12, 2010 London police said he was "charged with possession of cannabis and with driving while unfit through drink or drugs"; to make driving even more rewarding, Michael had also been taking the prescription medication Amitriptyline. Damn, is there an APP that can warn you when Michael is driving? So I can stay off the road and streets when he is behind the wheel.

On September 14, 2010 Michael was sentenced to eight weeks in prison, a fine, and a five year ban from driving. Michael was released from Prison on October 11, 2010, after serving four weeks (Since Michael loved to cruise for sex around toilets so much; that must have been the best four weeks of his life. “Someone drop the soap?” He could only wish.

With numerous arrests for public sex and drug addiction; can Michael ever make another album as great as “Faith”? Or will his narcissism, like a modern day Elvis Presley destroy his once brilliant career?

Everyone has their problems. Addiction is a sickness and can be hard to cure but the ill person has to want to reform. Most celebrities like to throw a pity party by appearing on People magazine detailing their tragic past; most of them would take a crap in Saks Fifth Avenue if it would guarantee press and attention.

Of course some celebrities have, and have had it really hard, but you still can’t compare their hardships to a woman working two jobs, trying to make money to care for three kids without a husband. Celebrities are given many chances and if your attractive and making money, you’re given the world, so I don’t want to hear any excuses about their childhood, or thieving lovers. The truth is we have no choice in our past, but the future is in our own hands.

I want George Michael to make a comeback, but he’ll have to stop being so self indulgent to do it. Until then I’ll just play “Faith” and remember when George was hot; I had pimples and Dynasty was on Wednesday nights.

As we went to press, George Michael started a fall/winter tour in Europe to sparkling reviews. Word is he has two new albums coming out soon. Wake Me Up, and I hope you never GO GO.