Help Me I Don’t Understand.

I was sitting in my comfy new chair with my dog Dante on my lap and a bag of mini Reese’s on the right of me. It was a Saturday night and I was feeling right (in Manhattan, Saturday is the only night you stay home; it’s for amateurs, tourist and pick pockets) I turned on the TV and I almost swallowed my 5th or was it 6th Reese’s; why is “Blair” from “Facts of Life” on “Survivor”? And where the hell was “Tootie”? I watched closely, thinking it was a “celebrity” edition but I don’t think it was; no one else was famous on it, WTF?

Turning off the TV, and ON the laptop I saw an ad for “Dancing With The Stars,” and decided to see who these dancing stars were. Besides Kirstie Alley (who seems to be getting fat, losing weight, and getting fat again as a long time career goal) I didn’t recognize the plastic faces. Luckily ABC flashed the names so we viewers at home could figure out who these glittered nitwits were. Bristol Palin is on it and has had a facelift; but is she a Star? I don’t think so, why don’t they just call this show what it is; “Dancing With The Unemployed Show-offs”?

Disgusted I turn it off, rubbed Dante’s head; grabbed another treat and decided to go through the stack of books I’ve gotten from people. One after the other the books we’re “written” by “celebrities,” mainly children’s books. Children’s books are basically emails with pictures and I’m sorry to break it to anybody, but it doesn’t take much to write them. This is crazy, where are the real writers? And if it’s not children’s books; its cookbooks; like any of these reality actors have ever cooked a single meal from scratch or even know where the kitchen is.

No matter what face she has, Bristol Palin is still untalented.

Annoyed again I put aside the books and opened a magazine; on page 2 there was a huge picture advertizing ugly, women’s high heel shoes by Carlos Santana! What the hell does a greasy 1970’s musician have to do with selling women’s shoes? What’s next for Santana; Maxi-pads?

What is happening to the world? If Mother Teresa was alive; would she be dancing her ass off on TV? If John Lennon was alive would he be selling Women’s clogs? I don’t think so. I get people want to make money, but sometimes you should just say no.

Carlos by Carlos Santana shoes are really ugly and tacky; a perfect gift for that Ho who took your man.