Top 5 Annoying Things This Month

1.Flabalanche: Actresses making a career out of going from "Porky Pig" to "Olive Oyl."..."I'm so happy being a size 18!" Then they loose the lard,"How I did it!" Then they are chubs again,"My new man loves junk in my trunk!" Get a real job Kristie Alley and Carnie Wilson.

2.Susan Boiled Over: I'm so sick of people saying, "You Tube sensation!" My rear end is a sensation, how about that? Read a damn book AND forget about that cat that can play piano.

3.Cruising For A Bruising: Why is Tom Cruise always running in every damn movie? I'm running out the movie exit door and want my $13.00 bucks back, bitch.

4.The Hills Have Thighs: Any Ho or Himbo bag that 'star' on the 'reality' TV shows; should really take a plane ride together, maybe the one that goes one way to "Lost" island.

5.Drugs Are Us: The cost of prescription drugs are a joke. Why is it that the guys that run drug companies are always ugly and wear cheap suits? I guess there's no pill for dork just yet; though I hear they're working on it; THIS DRUG MAY CAUSE: DROWSINESS, DIARRHEA, BUYING GUNS AT WALMART, BLURRY VISION, SEVERE ATTRACTION TO DOLPHINS.

Dwarf Wrestling Comes To TV. Pots Of Blood, Not Gold.

Spike TVs dwarf wrestling show targets socks with sandal's, male demographic.

The little people involved in "Half Pint Brawlers" are as dirty off camera as they are in the ring. When reached by phone, a 'Keebler elf" was asked his opinion of 'Brawlers" but hung up the phone after yelling, "Me cookies are burning!".

Some worry about the message the show is sending.

If you're at all sensitive about seeing someone get cash staple-gunned to his privates or 4-foot-tall wrestlers mauling each other while cheap-beer-drinking bar patrons egg them on, you might not be the target for the Spike network's series, "Half Pint Brawlers."

"Brawlers" are real life pocket sized wrestlers that run amuck in local cities. Some will turn their nose up at this kind of show but if you're into "Jackass"-style stunts, choreographed grappling matches and pants-dropping shenanigans, This is the show for you, besides you don't have a girlfriend anyway, do you?

Spike TV launches the six-episode show at 11 p.m. Wednesday (I could say that was a small order for a show but that would be too easy) It will follow a group of little nuggets, led by outspoken actor-comedian-entrepreneur-muffin pusher Steve Richardson, who goes by the stage name Puppet the Psycho Dwarf.

Richardson and his five 'Half Pint Brawler' cohorts travel the country performing at bars, nightclubs and sports arenas — and a Louisiana maximum-security prison — for a series that also captures their sassy shenanigans outside the ring. The guys haze the rookie in the crew, nicknamed Turtle, with gross style adventures that seem tailored for the mind not yet developed.

Spike TV, Hungry for its pursuit of the young male demographic, sees the show as a "character-based docu-soap," according to executive vice president of original programming Sharon Levy. "The pilot tested through the roof," she said. "You want to hang out with these guys." Hopefully they aren't paid in "Lucky Charms."

It's naive to think all Little People are chirpy, like to dance a jig, and make cookies and cakes (that are responsible for most of the lard asses in America.)

Call me naive-and a cab; I'll take my old school TV/ movie dwarfs any day over these nasty little buggers.

Betty White to drop her Depends for Playboy Magazine..

Betty White, 91, is getting more press these days then Miley Cyrus; will Betty really get naked for Playboy?

 Why is White so darn white hot? It’s simple; she’s a class act and funny as a roller skating crack head. Audiences are hungry for real talent these days, given the presses fascination with current crop of reality ‘stars’ who are desperately trying to stay in the press, and are running more scared then roaches when you turn on the kitchen light; real actors are back, bitch.

Nielsen Media Research provides statistics on specific demographics as advertising rates are influenced by such factors as age, gender, race, economic class, and area. Younger viewers are considered more attractive for many products- which mean, most actors, especially female are put out to pasture after 40. White proves these graphics wrong-most of her fans that watch ‘Golden Girls’ in reruns are in their teens to early 30’s. People like to laugh damn it, no matter how old the actor is.

Betty White proves that older female actors can get ratings -and that 18-49 demographic that advertisers have a hard on for. TV needs to understand if you have an older person on TV; they can be bawdy, dirty and modern. When White hosted "Saturday Night Live." With White hosting the usually unfunny and rather dull show, had its highest ratings in two years. I won’t even go through the ‘kids’ they had hosting ‘SNL’ that year; but let’s say they sucked and fell on their faces in every sketch. I love young people, but give some of the older ones a chance, they are usually more funny and out there, and they don't have to take off their clothes to get attention.

White has a new TV show on TV Land, "Hot in Cleveland", as a sassy, pot smoking landlady; now heading towards a fifth season. Rather White takes up the offer to drop her Depends for ‘Playboy Magazine’ remains to be seen, but I’d buy it if White was in it. St Olaf be damned!

Fat Ass? Dunkin' Donuts Gives Free Donuts On Friday.

Friday, June 4, is National Donut Day (as if you needed a reason to eat donuts!). As such, many popular donut retailers will be offering some incentives to head into their stores to scarf down saturated fat in all it's glory. How could you just have one I don't know, it's like men, they come in all flavors and sizes. Why am I hungry?

At Dunkin’ Donuts, each guest on Friday gets one free doughnut of his or her or drag queens choice with the purchase of any beverage. The company also will announce the winner of its second annual “Create Dunkin’s Next Donut” contest.

From almost 90,000 creations submitted online, a dozen portly finalists traveled by bus to Dunkin’ Donuts University(!) in Braintree, Mass-that somehow blew two tires on the way., to compete in a bake-off competition before Dunkin’ Donuts’ culinary team and company back fat leaders. One of the 12 finalists will win a $12,000 grand prize and have his or her or 'its' winning doughnut sold at Dunkin’ Donuts stores nationwide.

I don't know about you people, but i've been known to eat three of these beauties in one sitting. Granted you'll need some extra time on the cardio machine, but hell, life's all about living, and you haven't lived till you've had a boston cream and a good cup of coffee.

"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Grim Reaper?" Gary Coleman DEAD

Gary Coleman, 42, the pint sized troubled child star who sassed a generation in the hit sitcom "Diff'rent Strokes," died Friday from a brain hemorrhage caused by fall at his Utah home.

Coleman suffered from congenital kidney disease, Coleman underwent two kidney transplants by the time he was 14. The transplant drugs stunted his growth and caused the eternal child-like appearance that both helped and undercut his success.

"Diff'rent Strokes," made Coleman a star. When the show was over the tiny actor found it hard to find roles. He dreamed of remaking "The Wizard Of Oz" and being the lead 'Munchkin' Sadly he never got to sing "Follow The Yellow Brick Road". In 1989 he sued his parents-whom had managed him and, he claimed stole a lot of his TV money. At the time of Coleman's death he was still estranged from his parents.

Other child stars from the hit sitcom had a rough ride as well. Dana Plato died at the age of 34 after struggling with drug and alcohol problems. She famously tried to rob a dry cleaning store. She also appeared in an adult film and in Playboy. She died of an overdose from Vanadom and Vicodin. In 2010 her son Tyler Lambert committed suicide.

Todd Bridges is still alive and has managed to turn his life around but for years he battled a cocaine addiction and was arrested in 1988 for the attempted murder of A drug dealer. Bridges pleaded not guilty to shooting the thug and he was acquitted of all charges. In 1993 he stabbed a tenant with a kitchen knife after he said he had attacked him with a sword. The charges against him were dropped, cause you know, everyone gets attacked with a sword these days.

What I really want to know is-what the hell ever happened to TV's "Webster"? I hope he's not working at Walmart with a gun stuffed in his knickers; ready to go off.

Christian Site Says Lesbian Ellen Responsible For American Idol’s Fall

Lee DeWyze was crowed the new American Idol Wednesday night. Don’t know the name you say? Many don’t remember much of this season of American Idol, which has been losing ratings faster than Jennifer Hudson lost her flab. And the new American Idol is! Who cares!

I for one got bored fast with this seasons contestants and ho hum guitar performances. Maybe Paula Abdul should come back. Abdul was known for her flaky behavior, dancing for no reason and unusual advice for contestants, “you have pretty shoes”

Simon Cowell’s farewell from American Idol was watched by 24.2 million total viewers Wednesday night, according to Nielsen numbers, representing the lowest-rated finale since the first season of the singing competition. The show still pulls in high numbers but now that Cowell is gone, whoever takes his place could revive or put another hole in a sinking ship.

What went wrong with this season is up for debate. Chirstwire.org blames low ratings on Ellen Degeneres being a lesbian. “It is more than obvious that Ellen’s only motive for joining American Idol is to help spread the gay agenda.” The so-called Christian website added, “Ellen has a plan to use American Idol as a staging ground for promoting people who sing gay-inducing songs. I thought thats what 'Glee' was for.
“I’d hate to see the stats of how many kids catch AIDS or herpies (sic) dropping out of school because American Idol and Ellen turned them into gays.” What about all the girls getting knocked up in this country? Could that be the lilly white mans fault?

Could it be Ellen’s lady loving that has weakened the mighty ship that was once unbeatable in the ratings? Or is the real reason American Idol sucked this year was because of boring contestants, silly mentors (Miley Cyrus!) and a change in public taste.

I’m cynical if next season of Idol could be exciting again. It all just depends on the new judge and contestants.

One thing I’m sure of is, Ellen’s taste for the ladies will not hurt a show where people watch for the singers and not a judge’s sex life. What would Jesus do? He would tell those lesbo hating Christians to shut up and just enjoy the show.
Written by Hudson Taylor

Sarah Ferguson, Duchess Of Pork, Busted.

Sarah Ferguson was once considered interesting. Plain chubby redhead gets handsome Prince. Now she's just a royal joke.

Ferguson took a blow over the weekend when a newspaper reported that she had offered access to Prince Andrew, Britain's special representative for trade and investment, to an undercover reporter. Her price tag? Allegedly a half-million pounds ($724,000), with a $40,000 down payment; what a bargain! Throw in some meat pie and I'll buy a meeting with the Prince and broke former royal.

The former Princess is seen on tape gulping down red wine and smiling at the 40 G's left on a coffee table.She mumbles that she has great connections to the royal family, but for a price. Pimping a Prince? Blimey!

The News of the World front page read "Fergie 'sells' Andy for 500k" and the story went global. Ferguson issued a statement apologizing for causing embarrassment and a "serious lapse in judgment" and said Andrew "was not aware or involved in any of the discussions that occurred."

Ferguson, 50 and the mother to two little princesses, has said she never felt able to fulfill her role as a celebrity, though that never stopped her from accepting all the free goodies that go along with the title.

The couple separated in 1992, the same year as Prince Charles and Diana. Ferguson and Prince Andrew divorced, amicably, in 1996, the same year that Charles and Diana parted on less friendly terms.

Both women were stripped of the "royal highness" aspect of their titles, but both stayed in the public spotlight for difference reasons.

The big difference was that Charles settled a fortune on his ex-wife, while Ferguson told the News of the World that she got just 15,000 pounds ($22,000) a year because it was based on the income Prince Andrew earned when he was a naval officer.I guess thats why my momma always told me "never trust a navy man".

Even before her split with Andrew, Ferguson made headlines — and they weren't positive. There were reports of a romantic link in 1989 with the son of a Texas oil tycoon. Then, in 1992, intimate photographs of Ferguson and John Bryan, an American businessman were published by the Daily Mirror. As the BBC dryly observes on its website, some of the photographs "appear to show Mr. Bryan kissing the duchess' feet." And she wasn't wearing anything on top.The Nerve.

To make it worse, Ferguson was staying with the royal family at the their summer base, Balmoral Castle in Scotland, when the pictures were published, now that's a bad guest.I bet she took the mini soap and towels also.

Pimp to the royals Ferguson is in New York, trying to round up a couple of bucks.
"I would quite like to go on 'Dancing With the Stars,'" she said.

Whispers are she'll make America her home, if the price is right. With this economy I don't think America can afford her.

"I do know the dancing show and my children would be so proud of me," she added, lips drooling over the big paycheck she'd receive from the ABC hit, that pays out of work celeberties to fox trot and boogie woogie.

How the royal family deals with this and Ferguson remains to be seen. But I have some advice for her, if she needs money so bad.Stop sponging off people and the royals. Sell the Birkin bags and get a job, a real job!

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