Men Who Lost Their Looks; It’s The Guys Turn To Be Judged.



Steven Tyler, Dude looks like a lady, and that lady ani't right.

The media is obsessed with women losing their youth and beauty and I'm bored with it. How many times have you read, “She’s gained weight,” or “She’s lost her looks.” Rarely do people talk about how many men have gotten old, fat and ugly. I know some men look better with age, blah, blah; well not all of them do.

Here are the studs that turned into duds; a hudsontayloryourmind exclusive.

Val Kilmer: Famous for “Top Gun” and “The Doors”; now looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

 

Arnold Swartzeneger: “My looks will be baack!” I don’t think so.

 

Warren Beatty: Was once hot and bedded many; now just wets the bed.

David Hasselholf is scary young or old; yikes, Puppies?

David Hasselholf: There was a time he could jog without his man-boobs hitting his knees.

Mickey Rourke: Once starred in 9 ½ weeks; now he looks like he’s been hit with 9 ½ 2x4’s.

 

John Travolta: Grease was once the word; now it’s served with gravy and biscuits.

Dateless Blunders and Other Wonders in Online Dating.

 Going through online profiles on websites like OkCupid or Match I’ve discovered that what most people write isn’t really what they mean. If one is to really believe most of what is written online you’d think every single person in the world is: laidback; very-good-looking; loves to travel and has the most ‘amazing’ friends in the universe.

So to help people out I’m going to explain what-the-hell people really mean when they say:

Laid Back: I’ll contact u first, but will be too lazy to follow-up later.

Love To Travel: Will never be free enough to make a connection, “you free in two months?” He will ask.

Not Looking For A Hook-up: ONLY looking to hook-up.

Not Judgmental: Totally judgmental (he’s judging you for even having an online profile)

My Friends Wrote This For Me: I’m a big pussy and won’t make a date with you unless my friends do it for me.

I’m A Nice Guy: I’m really a bastard.

Very Good-looking: Sometimes they are attractive, but mostly they’re not; either way, do you really want someone who is in love with themselves only?

Money Sucks, RuPaul Tucks: Why The Economy Still Blows Chunks



Why does Lisa Rinna look like the drag queen here?

Having dinner recently with old friends at a Italian restaurant in Chelsea; I couldn’t help but zone out as my friend-just fresh from the airport, lugged his clunky Louis Vuitton luggage to our table and preceded to open his bags and show us his Gucci wallet; Persol sunglasses; LV book bag; LV laptop case; LV pen holder; Prada iPad cover; Prada receipt holder (!) I’ve always loved some of my friends taste, but have to admit I was half expecting him to pull out a Tom Ford designer pouch, that stored used gum at some point. He made me think; has the economy gotten any better?

As we sat at our table looking for the waiter; starving with a thirst for vodka (our waiter was too busy going bonkers over bug-eyed Lance Bass, who was seated nearby) I looked around and noticed for a Wednesday night, this place and a lot of restaurants in Chelsea was jumping. One could argue that the economy is doing great, but with pay cuts occurring more frequently than at any time since the Great Depression; unemployment is still on the increase.

If you pick up a newspaper or watch the nightly news, there’s nothing but breezy stories about the economy, and how the recession is over. Welcome my friends to propaganda bullshit 2012.

Now I see how Romney makes money; hand jobs.

Airlines cried that they don’t make money--with most cutting off little things like free nuts; when in fact after three years of losses, the U.S. airline industry finally made out like a pimp with the best Ho. Airlines grabbed $3.4 billion from the extra bag charges alone -- a 24% increase since 2010, according to a new Department of Transportation.

Delta made the most green from bag fees totaling $952 million, followed by United and Continental at nearly $655 million. American collected $580 million and US Airways $513 million; and they can’t give us some free nuts?

According to The Wall Street Journal in an article published June 15, 2012. "The sudden unexpected downturn in economic data, combined with real concerns about inflation, starts to remind investors of some nasty recessions in the past, and investors have the right to be concerned." Oh crap.

Companies like Facebook are allowed to over inflate stock; so fools like us buy it and loose our hard earned money. We think we're getting a piece of the pie, when the reality is; there's not even crumbs. Taxi cab prices in New York increased by 17% this month; which makes me ask; anybody know where I can buy a donkey?

I guess we can’t kill ourselves with worry; we have to take one pill at a time and hope for the best. I just wish people didn’t bullshit us about the economy. The truth is; the powers that be are finding ways to milk citizens out of their hard earned money. There has been talk of pay toilets on some Airlines; soon some wise guy will find a way to charge us for the air we breathe.

Things are still OK for some people (especially my designer gay pal and Mitt Romney) but the rest of us who are considered middle class, or be gads: lower class are in the dog house, and its pouring rain with leaks in the roof.

Murder, She Wrote parody.

                      Jessica Fletcher is a serial killer! 🤤

                             

Editorial Reviews

"Taylor did a great job with the black humor but still kept Jessica Fletcher grounded in an unreal situation. A fun read."--Best Books To Read
 
"The sly humor could make a mean nun crack a smile. Try not to take sip of anything when reading Murder, She Did It. When Jessica busted out the nunchucks I made a mess. Four Stars."--Cute Guys Reading Books  
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"Fans of the movie Clue will love this."--Mystery Girl Reviews
 

                                       On SALE now from Amazon.com

What I Learned From Watching Judge Judy

“Ma'am, you don't get reimbursed for stupidity! Your case is dismissed!"

Judge Judy is the highest paid woman on TV, and it’s easy to see why, with her brass balls and strongly sprayed hair-do, Judy is in charge when you enter her courtroom and you better not piss her off. Some people find her offensive and mean, I don’t think she is; yes Judy is tough, but the moron’s who frequent her courtroom need a good shaking up; if not a 2x4 across the noggin.

“Are you on any medication madam?”

Unlike most of her guest, Judy uses common sense, which seems to be missing these days with the Kardashian’s being on TV and Rick Santorum getting actual human beings to vote for him.

“Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.”

You could watch Judge Judy for two weeks and be amazed at the frivolous lawsuits being brought into our already, busy courthouses. On the other end you’ll have female barracuda’s with too much make-up and dudes with messed-up teeth taking advantage of people’s kindness.

“Personally, I don't find you as attractive as she did; so I suggest you shut up!”

People can waste money on college and cartoonish seminars from best selling authors; most who didn’t really write the books anyway. I don’t need cough up any cash for this crap when Judge Judy has taught me everything I need to know about life.

1. Don’t loan anyone money, if you expect to get it back.
2. Stupid people get pregnant a lot, with different fathers.
3. Never cosign for anything unless you’re married.
4. Learn to let some things go after a break-up; you want old towels back, seriously?
5. If you go to court, don’t dress like a weekend hooker.
6. Never let a boyfriend move in if he has an ugly haircut.

Judge Judy and Florence Henderson make out; Judy does it all.

“I have 3 sons, so I know you are no gift! You're not even good looking!"

Free Life Advice. Read It Fast, I'm Already Bored.

The doctor is in, and let’s get this over with quick because I have a hangover. Some people need a therapist for logical mental reasons, others need a good kick in the knickers with some tough love. So here it is; your problems solved in minutes, not hours and you didn’t cough up the $200 bucks an hour for a head doctor (who’s probably nuttier than you) or even spend your morning on the toilet from all the medication they’d prescribe.
You’re welcome, now shut up and learn.

-You Don’t Care What People Think: Stop lying, it gives you wrinkles.

-You Hate Your Parents: Grow up and forgive them, or don’t talk to them anymore.

-Cupcakes: These are really round slices of cake; sorry chubs.

-Boot Camp: You’re just paying an angry guy to yell at you; get married and it will be for free.

-Proceco: Is really sparkling white wine, just add $10-50 dollars.

-You Can’t Get A Man: So stop whining about it; shave your legs; get a new hair color and work it.

-Why Is Everyone Crazy: Because everyone is a little wacko; if you don’t think you are, oh boy you’re in trouble.

-People Are Out To Get You: Sometimes, but that’s life. Watch a few seasons of “Scandal” and learn.

-“Green Lantern,” Movie: Really did suck; No REALLY.

-You’re Obese And Want ONLY A Muscle Guy: Drop the lard or win the Lottery.

-Space Wipes: Are really sponges, and not worth 19.99 + shipping.

-You’re A Drunk And Druggie: Google a picture of Lindsay Lohan 2011; and remember she was 24-years-old! Get yourself together.

-You’re Depressed: Because of you’re missing a leg; arm; eye? Right; feel better, bitch.

-You Have Bad Self Image: No matter how much plastic surgery you get, you’ll feel the same; just prettier. Happiness does come from within, yeah, within Bergdorf Goodman.

Your life is better than you think. Enjoy it!

Screw Valentine’s Day. February 13th is Mistress Day!

Mistress Day could have helped Glen Close in Fatal Attraction.

Mistress Day is a hidden secret and with Valentine’s Day getting all the press I thought it was about time to expose this great holiday; which in my opinion is ignored more than a girl at Ricky Martin’s birthday party.

Most restaurants and florist have reported that February 13th is fast becoming just as popular as February 14th, due to the fact that most married men take out their mistresses or favorite rent boys for dinner that night; guess what’s for dessert? A cheap hotel.

So if your man happens to be out late on February 13th, saying something about a work dinner. Watch out! When he gets home; smell him like a blind hound dog. If your man or lady smells like chocolate fondue; you better believe they were celebrating Mistress Day.



Tiger Woods main Ho Rachel Uchitel loves Feb 13th.

I’ve never been the mistress type and believe me there are a lot of gay and “straight” married men out there looking for a good time. I just could never be second banana (literally!) to a wife or boyfriend; I’m an only child and I don’t like to share. I have friends that do it and no matter what they say, they’re miserable, but always think in the back of their mind that; “they’ll get him one day.”

Here’s a fact; most married men don’t leave a marriage unless their partner breaks it up, and why should they? They have the best of both worlds; a maid at home and a slut at a hotel.

A friend of mine, who works at a major Chelsea restaurant, told me that February 13th is almost as booked as February 14, “Marc” reports that last year the restaurant was full of older men with wedding rings, pretty girls and cute young boys.

I’ll make it no secret that I hate Valentine’s Day; when I’m in a relationship it can be very frustrating trying to please your partner by doing a bunch of things that you saw in the movies. Retail is no better by throwing it in your face when you walk into CVS, “She’ll be mad and make you a cad-remember V-Day is Feb 14th!” Oh screw you.

When you’re single you’re made to feel like a loser for not having someone. couples, most of them in  toxic relationships built on desperation and a second paycheck will fill your head with stories of their happy romance; my momma always said,”If you have to sell it, it must be broke.” If you're single and go on dating apps you'll get nothing but married men hitting on you--yeah, I'd rather stay single then settle for one of these horny losers.

Is there any better example than Seal and Heidi Klum; who got remarried every year on their anniversary for seven years and got divorced anyway; Auf Wiedersehen to you, bitch.

I support the Ho’s in having their day declared a national holiday. No matter which day you support I hope you’re going to have a wonderful time; I personally don’t care for either; it’s February 15th, that mixes my margarita; it’s when all the Valentine’s candy goes on sale for 50% off; now that’s my kind of holiday.

February 13th is Mistress Day!

Mistress Day is a hidden secret and with Valentine’s Day getting all the press I thought it was about time to expose this great holiday; which in my opinion is ignored more than a girl at Ricky Martin’s birthday party.

Most restaurants and florists have reported that February 13th, is fast becoming just as popular as February 14th, due to the fact that most married men take out their mistresses or favorite rent boys for dinner that night; guess what’s for dessert; A cheap hotel.

So if you're man/woman or Bruce Jenner, happens to tell you that they have plans for February 13th; saying something about a work dinner, you might have to wonder; was he/she/Bruce Jenner, really at a work dinner, or we're they celebrating betrayal behind your back on a heart shaped bed? if my significant other is out on February 13; I would be cautious but say nothing until they got home, then smell them like a blind hound dog. If your man/woman/Bruce Jenner, smells like chocolate fondue and KY; you better believe they was celebrating Mistress Day.

I’ve never been the mistress type and believe me, there are a lot of gay and “straight” married men out there looking for a good time. I just could never be second banana (literally!) to a wife or boyfriend; I’m an only child and I don’t like to share. I have friends that do it and no matter what they say, they’re miserable.

Here’s a fact; most married men don’t leave a marriage unless their partner breaks it up, and why should they? They have the best of both worlds; a maid at home and a slut at a hotel.

A friend of mine who works at a major Chelsea restaurant, told me that February 13, is almost as booked as February 14, “Marc” reports that last year the restaurant was full of older men with wedding rings, pretty girls and cute young boys.

People always wonder why most married men cheat with ugly women/skanky guys; well here’s the truth; most beautiful people are boring in bed. But if a Ho has got some chub on them and a back tattoo? They'll be good to go anytime of the day, you can take her/ him/Bruce Jenner, to a hotel-to the alley and it’s all good for them. Beautiful people want dinner, compliments and the Hope diamond, and will probably lay there afterwards with a deer in the headlights look on their face as you go about your “business.”

I’ll make it no secret that I hate Valentine’s Day; when I’m in a relationship it can be very frustrating trying to please your partner by doing a bunch of things that you saw in the movies. Retail is no better by throwing it in your face when you walk into CVS, “She’ll be mad and make you a cad-remember V-Day is Feb 14th!” Oh screw you.

When you’re single you’re made to feel like a loser for not having someone. People, most of them in stupid relationships built on desperation and a second paycheck, will fill your head with stories of their happy romance; my momma always said,”If you have to sell it, it must be broke.” Is there any better example than Seal and Heidi Klum; who got remarried every year on their anniversary for seven years; They’re now divorced after Klum was caught banging the body guard; Auf Wiedersehen to you, bitch!

I support the Ho’s in having their day declared a national holiday. No matter which day you support I hope you’re going to have a wonderful time; I personally don’t care for either; it’s February 15, that I mixes my margarita; it’s when all the Valentine’s candy goes on sale for 50% off; now that’s my kind of holiday.

How Did I Get This Age?

   Over drinks recently in Chelsea with a friend he mentioned his upcoming birthday like someone mentions a prostate exam. My friend couldn’t believe where the years had gone, and now he was approaching 45-years-old; single and none the wiser. It made me think as well. Where the hell did the time go for me? Was I any smarter or richer than before? Or did I just learn to accept failure like Lindsey Lohan accepts being arrested?

   Looking through old pictures for this article I’m surprised how cute I was at 25. I’m not bragging, it’s just shocking when I remember the time in my life as feeling more insecure than hot stuff. Now gray hair grows on my head like an army of ants after a picnic basket; I still smile, at least I have hair. For now.

   An older friend of mine recently said about single gay men over 40, “If you’re over 40 and single; you better have the money or you might as well be dead.” It’s a nasty thing to say, but I get his point to a degree.

   I wonder where the years went; it feels like just yesterday I was 24 and dating someone I thought I would spend my life with. Just yesterday I was 34 and moving in with someone I thought was the one. Just yesterday I was a singer; published author; best friend; son; manager; lover; cat owner; straight; hairdresser; insecure; secure, and now I'm still some of those things, but a lot of them seem like someone else's life.

   Though it still seems scary sometimes I’m happier and more self-assured then I was when I was younger. Things are still frustrating when something bad happens, but with age, I don’t get as upset as I used to.

   Let's cut the pound cake. I hate getting older, but on a day when my clothes fit just right; my friends seem sane and I’m dating someone who makes me smile every time I get a text I feel like the world is mine.

   When you reach a certain age you start to ask yourself if you’re happy; is the person your with the ‘right one.’ If you’re single it starts to feel like you’ll be alone forever. I’d rather be alone and single then living with someone whom I can’t stand to be with.

   Age is a state of mind. My mind says I’m 30 and I’m not giving up no matter if I’m 40, 50, 60 or 100-years-old. Getting old is a bitch. Giving up on life because you’re older? Not an option with my frame of mind. One of the reasons "The Golden Girls" still manages to be popular is simple; it shows you that you can be happy over 50, have sex, good friends and sass whoever you please.

   So if you’re feeling down about getting older; just think you had some good times with the bad and something new and exciting is just around the corner; you’ll never find out what it is if you’re staying inside hiding and giving up. Do something you wouldn't normally do; take a class; stay out and drink until 3:am. Live, laugh, make changes and have fun; that's what keeps you young forever.