The Truth Hurts, So Does A Wedgie; I’m Giving FREE Advice.

The Doctor is in, and let’s get this over with quick because I have a hangover. Some people need a therapist for logical mental reasons, others need a good kick in the knickers with some tough love; so here it is; your problems solved in minutes, not hours and you didn’t cough up the $150 bucks an hour for a psychologist (who’s probably nuttier than you) or even spend you’re morning on the toilet from all the medication they’d prescribe. You’re welcome, now shut up and learn.

-You Don’t Care What People Think: I think you’re ugly.

-You Hate Your Parents: Grow up and forgive them, or don’t talk to them anymore.

-Cupcakes: These are really round slices of cake; sorry chubs.

-Boot Camp: You’re just paying an angry guy to yell at you; get married and it will be for free.

-Proceco: Is really sparkling white wine, plus $10 dollars.

-You Can’t Get A Man: So stop whining about it; shave your legs; get a new hair color and work it.

-Why Is Everyone Crazy: Because everyone is a little wacko; if you don’t think you are, oh boy you’re in trouble.

-People Are Out To Get You: Sometimes, but that’s life. Watch a few seasons of “Dallas” and learn.

-“Green Lantern,” Movie: Really did suck; No REALLY.

-You’re Obese And Want ONLY A Muscle Guy: Drop the lard or win the Lottery.

-Space Wipes: Are really sponges, and not worth 19.99 + shipping.

-You’re A Drunk And Druggie: Google a picture of Lindsay Lohan 2011; and remember she’s 24-years-old!

-You’re Depressed: Because of you’re missing a leg; arm; eye? Right; feel better, bitch.

-You Have Bad Self Image: No matter how much surgery you get, you’ll feel the same; just prettier.

John Francis Daley plays Dr. Sweets on "Bones," and those lips sure are sweet.





Hot For Teacher: Students Give AIDS Instead Of Apples.

In my day teachers gave homework; dirty looks and took ugly choices in fashion to a new level. These days teachers give short assignments; wear extra small clothes from Baby Gap and screw the students.

Listen when I was 16 I would have loved to get hit on by a hot teacher; shoot I would have loved to be hit on by anyone remotely attractive, but in my day you didn’t want to smell the teachers, let alone have sex with them. These days teachers are getting busted for teaching student’s the three A’s; ass; alcohol and Al’s discount motel.

Some people have more of a problem when it’s an older male teacher, and female student compared to young male student/older female teacher. I think it’s wrong either way. I’m not naïve and realize hormones run rampant in life; sometimes more so for different people, but when you decide to be a teacher, one of your jobs is to protect your kids, not bed them. Temptation is a human trait that many of us share with the animal kingdom; what sets us apart from being animals is when we have the sense to know right from wrong.

It seems every week a teacher gets caught banging one of their students, and that’s just the ones who got caught. There are younger teachers more than ever due to budget cuts, making older teachers retire early.

In the US today, the fastest growing population of people contacting HIV are young people, between the ages of 13-24-years-old, according to The Center For Disease Control. A close second, according to a study published by World Health Organization, finds sexually active people over the age of 50-years-old being infected with HIV more than ever (oh no, Grandma has AIDS) You have to ask yourself if teens are getting it from teachers, or giving it to teachers?

It seems to me, like most institutions when it comes to children being molested, The Board Of Education needs a facelift; like the Catholic Church and Hasidic community, who punish the victims, but hide and promote the guilty. The Board Of Education needs an overhaul before people have a hard time distinguishing who’s the child, and who’s the adult.

Burger King introduces Bacon Ice Cream Sundae today.

Burger King in a desperate attempt to get the number one spot from McDonalds put out a new menu on June 13th, besides artery clogging new sandwiches, Burger King introducues it's new bacon ice cream sundae; as if your ass wasn't fat enough; who's Burger Kings new chef, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie?

Burger King’s bacon sundae has 510 calories, 18 grams of fat and 61 grams of sugar; Enjoy it while it and YOU last.

NJ Governor Christie meets President Obama; admits to liking donuts.

NYC Mayor To Ban Large Soda Pop; Hide Your Mountain Dew.

New York City Mayor Richie Rich; I mean Michael Bloomberg, has submitted a law into the state to ban soda pop sold in anything larger than 16 oz, in an effort to control obesity; yeah the ban on drugs and high cost of cigarettes have stop smoking and drug taking, right? You have to laugh; Bloomberg said it will stop Americans from getting fatter; why not try going after these big companies who make processed food? Go into your super market sometime in the frozen food section, take for example French Fries; which the ingredients should pretty much be potatoes, salt, oil and maybe a stabilizer, instead there will be tons of stuff you never heard of, all shit. Processed food, my friends is making America fat.

We all got lazy, instead of making our own pancakes (flour, oil, egg, milk, baking soda) we buy processed boxed crap because it’s easier, and that Black woman on the box has a friendly smile. Our generation has grown up with processed food; that our bodies don’t know how to digest; therefore it stays in the stomach leading to belly fat.

New York use to be so free and now it’s probably hipper to live in Ohio. Bloomberg isn’t banning large juices, most made only with 3% juice and the rest sugar and water; he’s targeting soda as of now. It reminds me of Prohibition (From 1920 to 1933 the United States banned alcohol) No surprise, prohibition became a failure in America and elsewhere, as bootlegging (rum-running) became widespread and The Mob took control of the distribution of alcohol. One can only imagine the Gambino family selling 2 liter Dr. Pepper out of the back of some truck.

If mighty 5ft 6 Bloomberg has his way (and this is a guy who got a third term as Mayor) one wonders what’s next on the list. Will Donuts be banned and king sized candy bars; will fatties and the public like myself have to go down to Chinatown, find a dealer and be led through secret chambers until a wall of Gucci knockoffs, King sized Snickers bars, and large soda bottles come into view? Just maybe.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg Enjoys a (small) Coors Light. No word if Richy Pants had 4-5 more.

50 Shades Of Gray-To Black-To-White: Chelsea Handler’s Dating Life.

Some people have said that Chelsea Handler screwed her way to the top after dating Ted Harpert, then president of E network for 5 years; well big surprise everyone; that’s how you get anywhere in Hollywood and most jobs elsewhere. 95% of jobs are given in entertainment by either who you know, or who you blow.

Most people think you can only get on TV or the movies by talent alone, oh please; there are more talented actors slinging hamburger’s, then there are in this year’s movies. To make it big in Hollywood it takes connections, and so what if he helped her? Connections can get you in, but talent makes you stay, as in Handlers case since she’s gone on to write 3 bestselling books and host her own nightly talk show since 2007 (she’s the only female to host a successful late night talk show)

Handler is as known for loving vodka as she is loving the many colors of the rainbow when it comes to the opposite sex. My Aunt JoJo would have said she was a cheap tart (of course Aunt JoJo spent most of her time in Church; her husband? A whore house in Trenton NJ) I think she’s just a gal who likes variety; like a box of Entenmann's donuts; there’s chocolate; frosted; crumb and plain; yum I’ll have all four please.

Dave Salmoni tamed Chelsea for awhile (white) one.

Handler was pretty D list when she busted on the scene with “Chelsea Lately” in 2007, a year later Handler released her second book (Are You There, Vodka? it’s Me Chelsea) which landed her at number 1 on The New York Times bestseller list. 2012 finds Handler so successful (let’s forget “Are You There, Chelsea?” TV show, which was dropped by NBC faster than Magic Johnson from a blood drive) Handler’s late night talk show is still on the air, and she has released two more highly charted books (even getting her own book imprint) and has appeared in films.



Chelsea and Andre Balazs, the Hungarian (tan) one.

Handler’s main drinking buddies use to be midgets and Picasso painting-looking female comediennes, but now thanks to money, she’s best buds with A-list chicks like Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon and Charlize Theron.
Looking through photos of the men Handler has bedded in the last five years; one would not be shocked to find Handler dating a Neanderthal next.
Handler’s famous box-of-donuts-of-men have been:



Chelsea Handler with Ted Herbert, the (gray) one.

(Gray) Ted Herbert: president of E network, now NBC.

(White) Dave Salmoni: animal handler and hot body.

(Black) 50 cent: rapper, actor and business man.

(Tan) Andre Balazs: New York hotel-hotshot-millionaire.

As of this article Handler and Balazs are still playing hide the French cruller-they just jetted off to Rome in April in high style that makes Handler’s former days of eating Ramen noodles for din-din well left forgotten. The danger will be if all this high life will mess up how funny Handler is; her blasé interview style blows me away each time and makes you laugh, especially when the guest are as boring as paste.

Will Handler and Balazs take a walk down the aisle or just a booze filled trip to Cabo Mexico; who knows, with Handler, it will always be fun for her fans to find out what shade of donut she picks next.

True Blood Star Joe Manganiello sets panties on fire at MTV Awards.

Joe Manganiello is known to make hearts melt on HBO's "True Blood." as a sexy werewolf; Now he's giving female and gay fans even more of his sexy 6'5 (!) self in the upcoming film "Magic Mike" which Stars a who's who of hot ass men.

There's a dude for everyone's taste in "Magic Mike," which takes place in a male strip club. Even picky, saintly Aunt Ida would surely put in her dentures to see Maganiello;  Channing Tatum ; Alex Pettyfer; Matt Bomer or Matthew McConaughey show what the good lord gave'em, and the devil added.

Manganiello made an impression last might at the MTV Movie Awards, dressed as his character in "Magic Mike." Manganiello came on stage dressed as a fireman, complete with no shirt, rock abs and a bearded smile that could frost a bowel of Texas Chili.

Get out your dollar bills!

 
 
 

Joe Manganiello makes me feel bad for those donut's.

Joe, Chelsea Handler and Chuy; what a family!


Check out the Magic Mike trailer here

 

Knocked Up Drew Barrymore Marries Chanel CEO’s Son.

Drew Barrymore was once a child Star turned teenage alcoholic; not many thought the actress with the lisp would ever be able to grow into adult acting roles, let alone stop the boozing and the using, but she went to rehab and unlike Lindsay Lohan actually worked towards sobriety.

Barrymore went on to grow into adult roles and produce movies with her Flower Films production company, having many hits in the 1990’s, often playing off her lisp in roles perfectly suited for her talents.

Barrymore hasn’t had a hit since 2003’s "Charlie’s Angels", and besides a role in HBO’s "Grey Gardens" movie she has appeared in flop-after-flop movies. Barrymore at 37-years-old in a crossroads in her career, one that Meg Ryan had in her forties (being too old to play the wacky lovelorn female)

Barrymore is pregnant with handsome Will Kopelman's baby and married him this weekend in a quickie ceremony. Kopelman an art dealer, wore Chanel as well as Barrymore; im sure it doesn’t hurt that Kopelman’s father is the former CEO of Chanel; Ka-Ching! for Barrymore; screw her career-her husband is a hottie; has some coin and gets free rags from Chanel, my kind of guy.

After a needed rest will Barrymore be able to climb back to the top. I think she can, I doubt it will be in movies, but I see her starring in her own TV show and we at hudsontayloryourmind wish her well; just please no nude magazine covers; Demi Moore did it best for Vanity Fair magazine back in the day and everyone who has followed her looks stupid.



Barrymore won't be wearing cheap stuff like this anymore.