Dionne Warwick Broke: What; Her Psychic Couldn’t See That?

Do you know the way, to the welfare office in San Jose?

Dionne Warwick, 72, is most famous for her singing in the late 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. In 1979 she flared her nostrils something fierce when she hosted “Solid Gold,” and younger people know her today as the cousin of Whitney Houston.

After “Solid Gold,” Warwick had a few more hit singles in the 1980’s. From 1991 to 1998 Warwick starred in late night commercials for The Psychic Friends Network; she became a laughing stock, but didn’t care as she believed in psychics and their power. Now Warwick has filed for bankruptcy; she owes over $10 million and just has $25K in assets: Why the hell couldn't her Dionne Warwick Psychic Friends Network predict this for her?

Many people are gossiping about how a legend like Warwick could fall so far from her throne; many whisper that Warwick never wrote any of her songs (like Whitney) and never gave up her lavish lifestyle when she was making money. Now her goose is cooked and Warwick can’t even enjoy her retirement; someone better, “say a little prayer” for her.

Perez Hilton Becomes A Mom; Poses 4 Creepy Photo’s.

A Hobbit looking Perez Hilton has shocked those who get easily shocked, by revealing that he has a new baby son, weirdly named, Mario Armando Lavandeira, III Perez Hilton, Jr. More normal people out of West Hollywood and Chelsea were appalled at the creepy naked photo’s Hilton took with his new accessory, oh; I mean baby.

Hilton, 34; wait he’s only 34? He looks a decade older, anyway. Hilton is not known for class or taste (he has been voted the worst dressed gay man in the world) but the thought of the tacky blogger with a child has raised the eyebrows of those, who can still raise an eyebrow. Many gossips wonder if itchy-pants Hilton has the right kind of lifestyle to take care of a child.

Hilton loves to blab about the famous but for now will not name the person, place or thing that has given him his precious buddle of joy. Many in the hair salon waiting room have joked that anyone that could breed with a scum bag like Hilton must have needed the money real bad.

Hilton is recent years has lost a ton of weight, many say thanks to surgery, in doing so Hilton has toned down the nastiness of his gossip website that made the over-toasted pop tart a celebrity.

Many whisper that his new, nicer website is not doing well, and maybe a softer, kinder-look-at-me-with-tiny-booties Perez will make the gossip seekers crawl back to his site.

Little Mario looks scared; we'd be scared too.

Hilton has thrown many hissy fits because he can’t get his own TV show, thanks to his unattractive appearance and even more grotesque personality, but now with a new baby, who knows. If Hilton’s career hits the skids like friend Paris; he could have a part in the next “Lord Of The Rings,” He wouldn’t even need a hairdresser on set. We here at HTYM wish Hilton a long career; because little Mario Armando Lavandeira, III Perez Hilton, Jr., is going to need a lot of therapy when he grows up.

Is a part in the next "Lord Of The Rings" in Hilton's future?

“Mama June” Weight Loss Upstages Madonna at Gladd Awards.

Honey Boo Boo’s mom, Mama June, worked the red carpet this weekend for the Gladd awards and many gays and obese photographers were shocked to see the country-loafed faced star has shed over 100 pounds since filming the first season of her hit reality show.

Many thought Madonna would grab all the headlines because she wore a Boy Scout outfit (some laughed that Madonna took it from her year’s younger and non-English speaking boyfriend) but alas Madonna can’t seem to get a break these days; no matter how much she tries to get in the papers. All the blogs and eyes were on Mama June (33!) who wore a tasteful black dress, diamonds and a stylish hair-do that was definitely not done at The Lemon Tree.

Many snobs thought Mama June would wear some messy looking frock she picked up at Walmart, and waddle in like she didn’t know how to act, but the sassy lass sure showed them; like “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” star Brandi Glanville's tag line in the show's intro says: "Money doesn’t give you class; it just gives you money." And if Mama June’s recent weight loss tells you anything; it’s that being on TV sure helps you throw out all that Pound cake after you see yourself.

Though June has a long way to go with losing weight; it’s nice to see a mom who can drop the lard, and hopefully soon that double chin, maybe the next season of her hit reality show should be re-titled, Here Comes Mama June.

Leave Taylor Swift Alone.

It’s amazing that people are losing their cookies over Taylor Swift’s love life; frankly I think people should shut up; she’s 23, rich and blonde, why not have fun before settling down? Just because she had dates with a lot of guys doesn't mean she had sex with all of them; she's not a Kardashian.

I understand we all get annoyed with someone so young and rich and feel we have to beat them down, and Swift does have her annoying habbits (posing with the left side of her face in every picture, being shocked when she wins an award) but still unlike a lot of her counterparts, she actually writes her own songs and can really sing.

Also unlike most young celebrities these days she doesn’t get caught panty-less or has a sex tape on the internet banging some loser; so why don’t people just back off America’s honky-tonk sweetheart and go about your own affairs?

All right I get it; we’re all guilty of nosing into the lives of the rich and famous and I enjoy writing about it, but there are certain subjects and stories that have beaten to death, and Swift’s love life is one of them. If anything, Swift should be rewarded for being picky when it comes to men and not believing the sweet nothings whispered from every Johnny Come Lately she has the chance to meet. Maybe if more young Hollywood girls were choosier about the men they move in with; there wouldn’t be so many lawsuits and unwanted babies in the world.

Why Kraft’s Mac & Cheese is really Frank'en & Cheese.

A Great example on why Americans are getting so fat and Europeans are not, is Kraft’s famous Macaroni & Cheese. For the US version of Kraft’s Mac & Cheese we get additives (yellow dye 5 and yellow dye 6, which many doctors believe cause allergies, migraines and, because yellow dyes are petroleum-based, cancer)

Since the UK has stricter rules regarding preservatives and additives Kraft uses natural beta carotene and paprika to make it almost the same color, and people who have tried both say they taste the same; so why do we get the fake crap in our Mac & Cheese and they get natural additives? Blimey!

When asked why Kraft only uses dye in their US version of “Frank'en & Cheese” the answer is simple, they save money. So what happens when most Americans grow up with dyes, salt and high fructose corn syrup? Obesity, diabetes and early death; does that sound Mmm, Mmm Good!?

Most of us can’t afford to buy only organic and live a preservative free life, but if Kraft can produce some foods without additives for Europe; why in the hell don’t we get the same versions of their popular brands in the US?

If you don’t care about yourself; how about your husband, or wife or children’s health?

Holy Plastic Surgery! Lil Kim Now Looks Like Michael Jackson.

The pint sized potty mouthed singer has been tweaking her looks for years, unfortunately the fun size rapper needs to go to plastic surgery rehab (along with Bruce Jenner and Lindsay Lohan) because now the once cute singer looks like Michael Jackson.

Why black celebrities want to look like whiteys I’ll never know, back in my day black was beautiful.

Many wonder how Kim, 38, can afford all the surgeries; rap talents are known to love their bling-bling and the dish water diva hasn’t coughed up a new album in years. Kim is said to be dropping a new album soon and supposedly makes money from club appearances and store openings; I can just see her at a store opening, “Yeah yeah It’s me Queen Bee, Lil Kim, mother fu**ers, welcome to Piggly Wigglys.”

Kim’s last new album was in 2005 (The Naked Truth) and did not sell well due partly because she was in jail for a year (Kim was convicted of three counts of conspiracy and one count of perjury for lying to a Federal grand jury about her and her friends' involvement in a 2001 shooting outside the Hot 97 studios in Manhattan) Kim was dropped by Atlantic Records in 2006.




Old black Kim; with just a little stuff done, she looked better.

 Hopefully Lil Kim can stop talking smack about other female rappers and just put out a good album already, but by the looks of her plastic surgery addiction; it doesn’t seem like she’s in the right frame of mind just yet.







   

Meet 2013’s Dancing With The “Stars” Cast.

As usual ABC trots out unemployed celebrities from the past, brain dead athlete's and current reality show tramps for their laughably titled, glitter competition show, “Dancing With The Stars.”

This year’s picks seem about as fresh as Betty White’s virginity; let’s take a look at the motley crew for this season and try to figure out who most of them are.There is to be a surprise 12th contestant announced soon; many whisper it could be cash hungry Lindsay Lohan, if she can get her legal and drug troubles under control; I doubt it, I think it will be a reality personality.
1.Wynonna Judd: 48, is a legit Country music Star; though when she had her last hit is anyone’s guess; recently famous for booze addiction, weight, marriage troubles and horrible red hair color.

2. Lisa Vanderpump: 52, entrepreneur and star of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and "Vamderpump Rules." This marks the third TV show the English muffin is gracing us with in 2013; who the hell is she, Anderson Cooper with hair color and Botox?

3. Dorothy Hammill: 56, Olympic gold medalist from the 1976 Winter Games and purveyor of the bowl hair-cut; I thought she died of perkiness.

4. D.L. Hughley: 49, comedian, actor and star of "The Hughleys." What does D. L stand for, Da Loser?

5. Jacoby Jones: 28, wide receiver for Baltimore Ravens. At 6’2 it will be funny to see him wiggle to the Fox Trot.

6. Andy Dick: 47, actor and comedian. Known more for being a druggie and a drunk as of late; the only one worth watching because he will make a big fool out of himself.

7. Victor Ortiz: 26, welterweight champion. Never heard of him but I hope Wynonna Judd doesn’t fall on him.

8. Zendaya Coleman: 16, star of "Shake It Up" on the Disney Channel. The acne prone baby chicken will bring annoying cute smiles for the cameras.

9. Aly Raisman: 18, U.S. Women's Gymnastics Team. I had to Google her, um, yeah, who cares about her.

10. Ingo Rademacher: 41, Actor, “General Hospital”; wait, “General Hospital” is still on the air; um is Luke and Laura still on there?

11. Kellie Pickler: 26, "American Idol" finalist and Country singer. Pickler’s agent should get a gold star for always getting work for her; how he or she (bet it’s a he) does it is beyond me. Pickler reminds me of a cream puff; sweet but nothing inside but air.

The Pope Retired Because of Gay Sex Scandal.

Rabid Catholics wet their panties with news of the Pope stepping down from his job (Pope’s can never retire and pretty much die on the job) Now if anyone thinks The Pope really has anything to do with decisions needs a brain transplant, like the Queen of England they are the face of a movement and have as much of a say in matters as an illegal working at a Sweat Shop.

Reports from around the world have reported the departure of Pope Benedict is being linked to an internal Vatican report detailing the gay sex sessions of a number of priests and blackmail by the male prostitutes that serviced them; which included photo’s, reports the New York Daily News, and not because of his health; basically the old bastard didn’t want to deal with it.

The 300-page dossier — compiled by three cardinals investigating the theft of Vatican documents — was given to the Pope on Dec. 17, the same day he decided to resign; throwing suspicion on how much The Pope new about all the sexual shenanigans going on behind closed doors.

Let’s get some facts straight: Most men crave sex, even Priests (sorry Aunt Pearl) and some want it with women and some want it with men and from the evidence, most Priests want sex with men. A recent report said that 70% percent of priests are gay; so why does the Catholic Church preach that homosexuality is a sin, when most of them do it themselves?

I’ll tell you, because like most organized religions, they can only keep you in the flock with starch rules; rules they themselves don’t follow, but it’s a way of controlling people and it works because it saves people from actually using their brain. I went to catholic school for two years at the suggestion of an over- zealous aunt. Catholic School was worse than public school for me with the staff spiteful and the students like caged animals; still no matter what I was taught I still used my mind and questioned anything that seemed false.

My over-zealous aunt cornered me at a family function one evening, demanding that I cut my hair, “long hair is for girls, not boys-cut it!” I looked at her; thin thing that she was, “well Jesus had long hair; so are you telling Jesus looks like a girl?” I was 10-years-old.

The other major cover-up in most religious organizations that boil my potatoes is; children being sexually abused and the heads of these places covering it up; what a great job, molest a 7-year-old; get a promotion and move to Ohio; where you can molest more children.

Any persons, including Priests and The Pope who hid knowledge of a child being molested should face jail time, but first should be paraded through each city and state in chains, no matter the abuser’s age or social standing and let each citizen see what a piece of garbage they are. If Christ really died on the cross for our sins; he didn’t die so people using his words and influence could use it to rape children.

If Priest are having sex with prostitutes I really don’t care; I don’t follow them anyway. The sad thing is the people who really believe in the Church; who live their lives following some Pastor’s words to guide them in what to eat or how to vote or treat another human being, they will be shell-shocked; though maybe it’s time people started thinking for themselves.

Toni Braxton Retiring; Toni Braxton is Still Alive?

Toni Braxton, 45, says she is retiring from music; most people we're shocked that she was still making music. The "Un-Break My Heart" singer made the announcement on "Good Morning America." "I'm not sure what's going on in my life. Maybe a female mid-life crisis? My heart isn't in it anymore. I hate to say that."

Here is the real deal about Braxton; she's in great debt; thanks to her careless spending; she hasn't had a hit record for so long I don't know how she can afford her wigs; her record company dumped her years ago because of it; so listen sweets, I love your smoky voice, but you didn't dump the music business, they dumped you 10 years ago.

Braxton said she plans to continue her acting career (!) and take on more challenging roles. Ok sweets I don't know what your smoking but I do wish you luck. We here have some advice to you; quit with all the damn fillers in your face, get some good, fresh young writers to help you record a dance album and work the shit out of it; if some role comes along that's rocks, take it, don't bite the hand that fed that pretty face; you'll never be Justin Timberlake, deal.

Toni, please stop doing shit to your face.

I’ll Have A Seabiscuit With Fries; Burger King Uses Horse Meat.

Burger King finally admitted this week that some of its burgers in Britain and Ireland included horsemeat. Now many in the U.S wonder if their Whopper was so good because it had a bit of “Black Beauty” in it.

Some muscle heads can rejoice; horsemeat actually contains just as much protein and is much leaner than beef, according to nutritionists. I’ve also heard over the years that Water bugs have lots of protein as well; what’s next, people eating something that lives at the bottom of the sea; that lives on urine and feces? Oh yeah people eat that already, shrimp.

Horsemeat is commonly eaten in France and other parts of Europe and the world. But in the U.S. and UK, horses are more often seen as pets and are used to carry around big assed tourist in New York’s Central Park; who knew “Wilbur” would go well with a large fries and Coke.

Burger King said there is no horse meat in any of its grease chains in the U.S; are we suppose to believe them? I don’t think so; to be honest horse meat sounds like one of the only ingredients you could recognize on their food labels; what does that tell you?

Let’s face it, we’ve all had a little “Warhorse” in our life if we’ve had fast food burgers; I for one like making my burgers at home; at least if I get the urge to graze it will be because I had good sex, and not because just ate a Whopper at Burger King.