Free Life Advice. Read It Fast, I'm Already Bored.

The doctor is in, and let’s get this over with quick because I have a hangover. Some people need a therapist for logical mental reasons, others need a good kick in the knickers with some tough love. So here it is; your problems solved in minutes, not hours and you didn’t cough up the $200 bucks an hour for a head doctor (who’s probably nuttier than you) or even spend your morning on the toilet from all the medication they’d prescribe.
You’re welcome, now shut up and learn.

-You Don’t Care What People Think: Stop lying, it gives you wrinkles.

-You Hate Your Parents: Grow up and forgive them, or don’t talk to them anymore.

-Cupcakes: These are really round slices of cake; sorry chubs.

-Boot Camp: You’re just paying an angry guy to yell at you; get married and it will be for free.

-Proceco: Is really sparkling white wine, just add $10-50 dollars.

-You Can’t Get A Man: So stop whining about it; shave your legs; get a new hair color and work it.

-Why Is Everyone Crazy: Because everyone is a little wacko; if you don’t think you are, oh boy you’re in trouble.

-People Are Out To Get You: Sometimes, but that’s life. Watch a few seasons of “Scandal” and learn.

-“Green Lantern,” Movie: Really did suck; No REALLY.

-You’re Obese And Want ONLY A Muscle Guy: Drop the lard or win the Lottery.

-Space Wipes: Are really sponges, and not worth 19.99 + shipping.

-You’re A Drunk And Druggie: Google a picture of Lindsay Lohan 2011; and remember she was 24-years-old! Get yourself together.

-You’re Depressed: Because of you’re missing a leg; arm; eye? Right; feel better, bitch.

-You Have Bad Self Image: No matter how much plastic surgery you get, you’ll feel the same; just prettier. Happiness does come from within, yeah, within Bergdorf Goodman.

Your life is better than you think. Enjoy it!

Screw Valentine’s Day. February 13th is Mistress Day!

Mistress Day could have helped Glen Close in Fatal Attraction.

Mistress Day is a hidden secret and with Valentine’s Day getting all the press I thought it was about time to expose this great holiday; which in my opinion is ignored more than a girl at Ricky Martin’s birthday party.

Most restaurants and florist have reported that February 13th is fast becoming just as popular as February 14th, due to the fact that most married men take out their mistresses or favorite rent boys for dinner that night; guess what’s for dessert? A cheap hotel.

So if your man happens to be out late on February 13th, saying something about a work dinner. Watch out! When he gets home; smell him like a blind hound dog. If your man or lady smells like chocolate fondue; you better believe they were celebrating Mistress Day.



Tiger Woods main Ho Rachel Uchitel loves Feb 13th.

I’ve never been the mistress type and believe me there are a lot of gay and “straight” married men out there looking for a good time. I just could never be second banana (literally!) to a wife or boyfriend; I’m an only child and I don’t like to share. I have friends that do it and no matter what they say, they’re miserable, but always think in the back of their mind that; “they’ll get him one day.”

Here’s a fact; most married men don’t leave a marriage unless their partner breaks it up, and why should they? They have the best of both worlds; a maid at home and a slut at a hotel.

A friend of mine, who works at a major Chelsea restaurant, told me that February 13th is almost as booked as February 14, “Marc” reports that last year the restaurant was full of older men with wedding rings, pretty girls and cute young boys.

I’ll make it no secret that I hate Valentine’s Day; when I’m in a relationship it can be very frustrating trying to please your partner by doing a bunch of things that you saw in the movies. Retail is no better by throwing it in your face when you walk into CVS, “She’ll be mad and make you a cad-remember V-Day is Feb 14th!” Oh screw you.

When you’re single you’re made to feel like a loser for not having someone. couples, most of them in  toxic relationships built on desperation and a second paycheck will fill your head with stories of their happy romance; my momma always said,”If you have to sell it, it must be broke.” If you're single and go on dating apps you'll get nothing but married men hitting on you--yeah, I'd rather stay single then settle for one of these horny losers.

Is there any better example than Seal and Heidi Klum; who got remarried every year on their anniversary for seven years and got divorced anyway; Auf Wiedersehen to you, bitch.

I support the Ho’s in having their day declared a national holiday. No matter which day you support I hope you’re going to have a wonderful time; I personally don’t care for either; it’s February 15th, that mixes my margarita; it’s when all the Valentine’s candy goes on sale for 50% off; now that’s my kind of holiday.

February 13th is Mistress Day!

Mistress Day is a hidden secret and with Valentine’s Day getting all the press I thought it was about time to expose this great holiday; which in my opinion is ignored more than a girl at Ricky Martin’s birthday party.

Most restaurants and florists have reported that February 13th, is fast becoming just as popular as February 14th, due to the fact that most married men take out their mistresses or favorite rent boys for dinner that night; guess what’s for dessert; A cheap hotel.

So if you're man/woman or Bruce Jenner, happens to tell you that they have plans for February 13th; saying something about a work dinner, you might have to wonder; was he/she/Bruce Jenner, really at a work dinner, or we're they celebrating betrayal behind your back on a heart shaped bed? if my significant other is out on February 13; I would be cautious but say nothing until they got home, then smell them like a blind hound dog. If your man/woman/Bruce Jenner, smells like chocolate fondue and KY; you better believe they was celebrating Mistress Day.

I’ve never been the mistress type and believe me, there are a lot of gay and “straight” married men out there looking for a good time. I just could never be second banana (literally!) to a wife or boyfriend; I’m an only child and I don’t like to share. I have friends that do it and no matter what they say, they’re miserable.

Here’s a fact; most married men don’t leave a marriage unless their partner breaks it up, and why should they? They have the best of both worlds; a maid at home and a slut at a hotel.

A friend of mine who works at a major Chelsea restaurant, told me that February 13, is almost as booked as February 14, “Marc” reports that last year the restaurant was full of older men with wedding rings, pretty girls and cute young boys.

People always wonder why most married men cheat with ugly women/skanky guys; well here’s the truth; most beautiful people are boring in bed. But if a Ho has got some chub on them and a back tattoo? They'll be good to go anytime of the day, you can take her/ him/Bruce Jenner, to a hotel-to the alley and it’s all good for them. Beautiful people want dinner, compliments and the Hope diamond, and will probably lay there afterwards with a deer in the headlights look on their face as you go about your “business.”

I’ll make it no secret that I hate Valentine’s Day; when I’m in a relationship it can be very frustrating trying to please your partner by doing a bunch of things that you saw in the movies. Retail is no better by throwing it in your face when you walk into CVS, “She’ll be mad and make you a cad-remember V-Day is Feb 14th!” Oh screw you.

When you’re single you’re made to feel like a loser for not having someone. People, most of them in stupid relationships built on desperation and a second paycheck, will fill your head with stories of their happy romance; my momma always said,”If you have to sell it, it must be broke.” Is there any better example than Seal and Heidi Klum; who got remarried every year on their anniversary for seven years; They’re now divorced after Klum was caught banging the body guard; Auf Wiedersehen to you, bitch!

I support the Ho’s in having their day declared a national holiday. No matter which day you support I hope you’re going to have a wonderful time; I personally don’t care for either; it’s February 15, that I mixes my margarita; it’s when all the Valentine’s candy goes on sale for 50% off; now that’s my kind of holiday.