Sick of Kardashian's and Lying Politicians? We Talk About the Stuff Other Sites Ignore. We are Bigger, Better and Bitchier.
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My momma was born in 1921 and she had a lot of advice about storms, and when she took her medication; most of what she said even made sense.
My momma lived through several wars, many presidents and even different Michael Jackson noses, so she knew a thing or two about life.
Here is what she often told me about hurricanes, and let’s hope everyone, from old friends-to-new friends-to-Republicans remain safe, as we wait out this Frankenstorm with the innocent name of Sandy.
1. When there’s a hurricane; that means the devil is flushing his toilet; so stay inside. 2. Hide in the bathtub, and shave your legs to wait out the storm. 3. Don’t fry bacon, you’ll be electrocuted. 4. Hide under a coffee table, and if you’re too fat; now’s the time to diet. 5. If you see a cow flying; duck, stupid.
Me and my momma; damn I was a chubster!
6. If your cellar is too packed, make the old people get out-they’ve lived long enough. 7. Don’t have sex; it will make your future children cross-eyed. 8. Don’t pray to God; he went to the movies. 9. Take a laxative; this way you won’t shit yourself in case things get bad.
Brad Pitt, 48, is pretty cool and no matter how many crappy movies he puts out between good movies, it never seems to stop him from getting A pictures; where most other actors would be shaking their old asses on ABC’s hilariously titled, “Dancing With The Stars.” Pitt has maintained the public’s interest in him by banging some of Hollywood’s skinniest chicks; Juliette Lewis, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Aniston and now Angelina Jolie.
Pitt always radiates on screen when in character, but if you ever saw him talk in an interview you’d swear he worked at a 7-11 in Ohio and wasn’t a millionaire movie Star; that’s why he’s an actor who needs good scripts to play off of; he didn’t find it in these loopy commercials, that have most people wondering what the people behind the scenes were sniffing besides perfume.
Pitt is the first man to ever do a Chanel No.5 ad, and probably the last. He reportedly got 7 million for indorsing the classic women’s perfume, that always reminds me of Grandma; when they laid her out at Dave’s Discount Funeral Home, off Route 1 by Piggly Wiggly.
Pitt appears in the commercial looking every bit of his age and acting like he’s stoned; or bored I can’t tell. The commercial is suppose to be sexy, but had me laughing hysterically; I almost thought they were Saturday Night Live sketches. To think people got paid big bucks to work on these and this is what they came up with? Insane.
In the strangely hypnotic commercial’s, Pitt says things like, “It’s not a journey, but every journey ends and we go on.” WTF? You’d think Chanel would have had the sense not to release it, but they did. Pitt isn’t even shot well and his eyes seem to be darting, like he’s thinking, “this is so stupid, but I need the money for my 6 kids and their college fund.”
Chanel, finally realizing they had a stinker on their hands, released a second commercial; which fairs no better, and looks more awkward then trying to French kiss a girl with braces. Whoever wrote and produced this crap should be put in a room and be forced to listen to Kathy Lee Gilford’s, “It's Christmas Time.” CD, until they produce a better commercial for Mr. Brad Pitt.
Just when it looked like Vanessa Williams got some good luck after being stuck in a boring role on “Desperate Housewives,” she got cast in “666 Park Avenue,” unfortunately the fantastic Williams, has gotten herself glued to another bad show; that will have viewers wishing the devil possesses the network executives who green lit this crap.
The set up is so simple a five year-old could have made it up (maybe they did) A young and boring couple comes to fancy hotel to get job as Super’s(!) they get into 666 Park Avenue, run by the dude from “Lost,” Terry O'Quinn and Williams. O’Quinn plays his part well enough; is he just the owner, a magician or the devil himself? You won’t care after 60 minutes, when you realize a rectal exam would have been a better waste of your time.
When this show tries to scare you; you’ll laugh, and when you’re supposed to laugh; you’ll get scared that the show is still going on-and-on. The rest of the cast features actors with so little screen presence; you’ll never need a sleeping pill again. If you like scares and good drama; wait for the season premiere of “American Horror Story,” because the only fright here is how bad the show is. 666 Park Avenue should stay on the air as long as Lindsay Lohan stays out of trouble with the law.
666 Park Avenue airs Sundays at 10 on ABC.
Could the Devil be Vanessa Williams agent; for landing her this snore fest?
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