Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Capital One Bank is one of the Worst Banks in the World




Like a dirty old man sneaking into a young girl’s bedroom, Capital One Bank has been putting chloroform to their customer’s lips by imposing a new policy, which began On June 5th 2012. For any customer who has a checking account that doesn’t hold a daily balance of $300; you will be robbed-I mean charged, $8.95 monthly. I always thought this kind of charge was pure gluttony on banks part. So you’re basically telling the public if you don’t have enough money, u will be charged extra. It’s no wonder you can’t get ahead. Rich people get all the good incentives, tax breaks and argyle lamb’s wool sweaters, and the rest of us can eat dirt.

Why banks enforce this rule I don’t know. A friend of mine who is “high up” at a well known bank confided in me (after a few scotch’s) that some banks want their customers to use their banking debit cards ONLY and it’s a way to steer people towards that. This way you keep all of your money in the bank and use only your debit cards, where in turn credit card companies like Visa and MasterCard grease the oily palms of the banks with a fat fee for all the usage of the debit cards.

When you’re living in New York without a partner or 10 roommates; it’s not so surprising that some of us can’t keep a balance of $300 a day-every day, especially after the first of the month with rent due and bills. Basically you get punished if you don’t have enough money by banking with Capital One.

Now I know why Capital One has commercials featuring Viking barbarians crashing through things and acting downright savage; what’s next Capital One; will you clobber your customers with a mallet when they don’t have over $200 grand a year in your bank?

If you’re thinking of opening an account with Capital One, don’t bother; they suck. Changing apartments in my building recently I called Capital One to change my address; simple enough right? Here is what I got after giving them all other personal information.

Capital One: I’m going to ask you a series of questions, which may or may not be true.

Hudson Taylor: um, I just need to change my apartment address.

C O: Yes sir you will need to answer these questions to do so.

H T: To change my apartment number? OK fine I’m ready.

C O: Did you ever live at 253 Pike Street, Alaska?

H T: Is this for real? This is like a Saturday Night Live sketch.

C O: (SILENCE)

HT: No...

C O: What does the address 28 Evergreen St, in Henryville mean to you?

H T: Birth place of Colonel Sanders? I have no idea, it means nothing to me-like this whole conversation, and whoever came up with this questionnaire is an idiot and should be fired.

C O: (SILENCE)

Talk about bad customer service, I thought I’d have to give her blood after awhile. Let’s just say I’ll be dropping Capital One faster than a Basketball player drops his pants in a whorehouse.

I know other banks charge similar for checking account balances. What fries my chicken is; when the banks get bailed out by the government, and receive generous holiday bonuses for all management; how can it be that they have money for bonuses but need to jack-up customer rates?

The cynic in me thinks they just want the extra funds for strippers, booze and cigars, and not because of their cries of poverty; as they drive off in their Mercedes and snakeskin boots. I say screw Capital One; let’s all demand that banks drop these stupid charges before it gets even more out of control; if not we can just ad banks to the list of greedy companies like electricity and cable; that are screwing us in the backside without as much as dinner or a kiss first.